Have you ever noticed that sometimes you can be making good choices and then things go wrong or you find yourself getting upset and do not follow through with the choice? I call that “brain bombs”. It can happen at any time and can change things in a very short amount of time. Our thoughts can affect our reality.
image from thesecretbyrhonda.blogspot.com
Our thoughts can pull the rug right out from under us and hinder our progress. For example, you may have just gotten hired for a new job, or are going to a new school and are all excited at the change. Then the old brain bombs start dropping. Your mind races and you start thinking things like: What if they do not like me? What if I can not do the work? What if my clothes look bad? What if I do something wrong? What if I make a mistake? And so your worrying starts putting the negative vibe on a wonderful opportunity you are about to embark on. And the more you try to get ready, the more upset you get and the worse you think you look. You have let your thoughts create a different reality than what it really is.
Another scenario is you are expecting your first child and have been so excited and have fixed the nursery and are due any day. Suddenly the brain bombs start and the race is on. What if I can not take care of the baby? What if I drop the baby? What if the baby hates me? What if the baby will not quit crying? And you become so nervous that when you have the baby, the baby feels your stress and cries and cries. You have just created your own reality.
I have done this to myself many time in the past. I have let the brain bombs win. And then one day, I learned the value of answering my own brain bomb questions. And when the brain bombs start dropping, it goes a little like this:
What if no one likes me? And I answer myself ” Someone will like me.”
What if I can not do the work? I answer myself “I know how to do the work.”
What if my clothes look bad? I answer myself “I have beautiful clothes.”
What if I do something wrong? “Then I will redo it or fix it.”
I think you get the idea. For every negative, I answer myself with a positive to the negative. It is sort of like playing those computer games where the things zooms at you and you shoot it down. Shoot down your own brain bombs and reinforce yourself with positive.
image from www.pinterest.com
Our thoughts can create a whole scenario in our heads and before we know it, we have sabotaged something good from happening. And once the brain bombs start, if we do not shoot them down, they will soon be raining on us so hard that we may even give up and not even go to the new job or new school or date the new person, etc. And those thoughts become reality before we know it. This is why we have to change our thought process and replace the negative with something more positive.
I have seen people do this with their health. They allow the brain bombs to control how they feel and they give up before they even have a chance to know if this or that will help. I tell myself all the time that I WILL walk again. My brain bombs try to tell me I never will and I shoot them down immediately with the words “I will do this.” Our thoughts, our brain bombs can affect us so dramatically that our reality becomes our thoughts and if we think we will never get any better, we will not.
The only way to counteract the brain bombs is to shoot them down as soon as they start. I get teased for being such a Pollyanna but I can tell you this. I am still here years later from when I could have let all these health issues take me out just from my brain bombs. I am still here fighting, never giving up and still finding joy in my life. How about you? Are you fighting the brain bombs?
The other day my son said “I keep wishing I had done things differently back ten years ago” and many people say this and even cry over things from the past and it holds them back. I believe hindsight is 20/20. It is not to keep us bogged down and burden us with guilt and sadness. It should be 20/20 hindsight to help us do things differently for the future.
Forgiving is an essential part of leaving the baggage of the past behind. This means forgiving those that hurt you whether they have asked or not, whether they have apologized or not. AND it means forgiving yourself for making mistakes for we all make mistakes.
We really should not carry our past around and hold on to it with both hands and keep putting it in our present. Our past is to teach us not hinder us.
I love this quote and picture above for it is a very visual thing by using our past and the mistakes we make to learn from by using them as stepping stones. Not as something we keep in the present all the time to make us feel bad but as something that inspires us to do it a different way. It took me a long time to realize this because I held on to the past and probably had steamer trunks instead of baggage. When I learned to forgive, I learned that first you forgive others for what they did to you. This is not saying they were innocent or right. It is forgiving and letting it go and not letting it be a burden on our shoulders and it is learning to forgive ourselves for all the mistakes we made. That was the day I went from victim to survivor. And as time has passed and I continue to work on myself, I have moved from survivor to thriver.
I believe our lives are made of choices but I had to learn that. Most of us were never taught how to make positive choices in life and instead we just stumbled through the best we could. And after much work, I started making choices for my life. Some were good choices and some were not but as I learned, I begin to make better and better choices. This does not mean that I never make bad ones even now because I still do make bad choices but I am quicker to recognize it now. And one of the first choices I made was to resolve my past. Once I had come to terms with, forgiven, and owned the story of my past and decided it was not going to be my present or my future, I was able to start living and not be bogged down with baggage from the past. I want to be the bus driver of my present and future and of course, being a person of faith, I want God as my pilot.
I believe that we hold on to the past because it is familiar even when it has bad in it. We know what to expect so we take a death grip on it and it stays in our present. I think it is fear that makes people hold so tightly to the past because they are afraid of what the future will bring that they might not know how to handle. We do that in relationships. We keep dating the same kind of person that treated us badly because it is what we know and trying to do it differently creates anxiety and fear. But, I can tell you from experience that once you let go of the baggage of the past, you never want to pick it up again. Once you start making better choices, life becomes this wonderful buffet of experiences just waiting for us.
It is like dreams. Many people are afraid to follow their dreams because they worry..”What if it does not work?”….”What if we lose it all?”, “What if…what if…what if?” …and the truth is, the things we worry about are failing or losing possessions. And possessions are just things that can be replaced. You can not replace your loved ones. And when we hold on to the past, we are affecting our relationship with our loved ones. I have told the story before of the two 70-year-old sisters who had been angry and hurt with each other and did not speak for 50 years. Just think of all the time lost as they held on to the past instead of forgiving and letting go. And when asked why they quit speaking, they could not tell you but they remained estranged.
Today is a new day and offers so many possibilities; the possibility of renewing relationships, of healing your heart, of forgiving and of making choices for you that help make your life better. Only you can grab on to those possibilities. No one can do it for you. People may try to drag you along to reach this goal but after a while, they get tired of dragging. So get on the bus and be your own driver and deal with all the baggage from the past and then drop it off somewhere and reach for the future. You can do it. I know because if I can, so can you.
“Will today be an “I Want” day or an “I can” Day?”
Sitting in the doctor’s office yesterday, I saw this quote on an ad in a magazine and thought what a great quote. It is one of those perception things as in how do you perceive your day. Do you see your day in terms of all the things you want to do and can not have or do you perceive your day in all the things that you can still do?
image from www.pinterest.com
When I first started losing my health, all I could think about was all the things I still wanted to do and could no longer do. I wanted to run and play. I wanted to keep teaching. I wanted to do things with my kids. I wanted to be normal again. And I struggled with acceptance that this was it. And of course down through the years, more and more things came to be on that list of things I wanted to still do as I lost the ability to do so many things.
One day, I realized I needed to change my focus to the things I still could do and instead of saying “I want” to do this or that, or want this or that, I needed to change it to “I can” still do this and this and this. And as time passed, I realized what I was going through was grieving the loss of the things I have lost the ability to do.
All of life though can be seen through this quote. If we are constantly focusing on what we want and not on what we can have or can do, we can become filled with discontentment. What can I do in life? I can choose to be happy no matter what happens in our lives. I can choose to love and enjoy those around me. I can choose to enjoy the things I can still do. All of these are positive things.
I can also choose to be miserable and choose to complain about everything. I can choose to be discontent because our lives are not what we want and can choose to push others away. When we choose either list, we have to be ready to accept the consequences.
We have learned to be happy no matter our circumstances and to feel blessed with what we have. Do we live in a fancy mansion? Not hardly. We live in a small cottage house that slowly we are fixing up. And yet, no matter who comes to visit, no matter how wealthy they are do you know what they say to us? We just love your house because there is so much warmth and love flowing through this house and the way you have it fixed makes it feel like we have come home. That is the greatest compliment that people could give us. And this is said as we sit in our tiny living room with everyone scooted up close or crowded around our table. We may not have fancy furniture and yet it does not seem to faze anyone that comes to visit.
So, we wake up every morning knowing we can feel love and warmth here,. We can enjoy cooking in this little kitchen as the smells permeate our home and we can enjoy the gardening in the back yard or sitting in the living room around the puzzle table working on a jigsaw puzzle.
We should not wake up thinking about all we want but should be3 thankful for all we have and can still do. Keep remembering folks….happiness is a state of being not an emotion. Joy is an emotion. Find your happy spot in your imperfect world for it is there.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to talk in the dark. Whispering and talking to someone, there is no facial expression to put us off, no feelings of either condemnation nor praise. It just IS. I find that when I have the middle of the night contemplation times, the feelings are the same. Some things are easier to think about when the senses are soothed by a blanket of soft darkness. When the lights are low it is easier to let the tears fall for we feel hidden.
Tears that seem to come in the light, do not feel the need to wash away hurts or pains like in the dimness of night. It is in this dimness of night that we feel safe enough to think about those painful things. And tears that fall in the darkness feel like that quote about if a “tree falls in the forest and no one is there..will it make a sound?” If I cry in the darkness will anyone hear my tears because we are so often afraid to cry in front of others? (Do not worry, I am not crying. I am trying to talk about how the darkness affects us when we are contemplative.) The ones that needs the washing and cleansing that crying in the night can bring usually find it in the dark.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.” Washington Irving
I think that sometimes we spend so much time looking back and doing the “what if’” thoughts or wishing things could have been different that we lose the moments happening now. This is even more so when we are chronically ill because people want to look at all they lost from their illness and all that is wrong instead of seeing all that is right.
“One day at a time–this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.” Ida Scott Taylor
I have to smile as I think about those wonderful memories stored inside me from the past. I rely on memories in the really hard times for they fill my senses and help me endure. I am tired and exhausted from pain and have been really sick the past several months. And oh how I have relied on those wonderful memories to sustain me: memories of loved ones, of times with precious friends, of funny things, or loving moments. It is then those wonderful memories help me cope with the extra pain and fears.It is then that the beautiful memories come to life and the ones you love you feel their presence the most. And for me that is the night time when the lights are dim and she shadows hide all the ugliness.
A song I heard once was called “I lost it” and it said “no memory can replace it”. I thought about the happy times and how those memories just seem to stick with us, even in dark times. We can still conjure them up in our hearts and heads. It is not like recording over an old VHS tape where one supersedes the other. These wonderful memories just keep filling up that tape inside. This song just makes me smile.
video by selahwestful
As I lay here in the semi darkness, I find my mind drifting to this memory and that memory and each memory brings a smile to my face. I think our brain automatically knows what kind of memory we need to have in the “play” position of our brain. It is not that any event in our head is overwritten but rather shuffled around depending on what our hearts can endure. Perhaps, the painful memories are marked in our brains with a big H for “HOLD” when our tears are falling and the world seems to be closing in on us. And the good memories have a rewind button so we can play them over and over and over.
I find laying in the semi dark is kind of like that commercial showing the couple sitting in the woods looking at the stars and talking about how beautiful it is and the husband says “Here let me light the fire” and he strikes a match. When he does, sitting looking a them is all the “wild beasts” of the forest staring at them. And he says “maybe not ” about lighting the fire and blows the match out. The night time or semi=darkness in my case since my room is never totally dark, seems to allow me to put the things “worrying me” over with the animals, out of sight in the darkness. That way I do not have to think about those things until “day light” hours.
We all have those things that lay heavy on our hearts and I have learned that the best things I can give those I love (the family, extended family, and family of choice) is to be there, to have the listening ear but more importantly the listening with our “inner ear” which means listening with our hearts and minds, and the gift of never giving up on them. People do not need us to say we understand or that it will be alright, though those words are soothing to the heart. Most people in hard times just want someone to listen, to hug them and to let the person know they care. Physical touch means so much when someone is scared, lonely, devastated, or troubled.
“Don’t ever give up on something or someone who you can not go a full day without thinking about.”
Have you ever noticed that there are people in your life that you can not go a day without them coming to mind, without seeing something that makes you think of them, without a wonderful memory rolling across your mind and making you smile. Give them the gift of never giving up even when angry at them or even when you feel like they should be acting one way and they are not. I can not begin to tell you what it means to have someone tell you they believe in you, that they know you can do this or that, that they hear what you are saying, that they are there for you. No money can buy those gifts.That is love. And if you go through life and all you find is one person that does this for you please know you are really blessed and loved.
“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” Judy Garland
Have you ever thought about love? Think about it in the dark when you can not see anything and the one thing that will hit you is that it is the fact of “HOW someone loves us” that sticks with us the most. Words are just that but actions play the symphony of love for all. Do you love with kindness, with tenderness, with joy, with compassion, with trust, with laughter? For those are the things a person will remember even in the darkest of times. That is the music they will hear in their heads and their hearts when the lights are out and they can not see.
video by limva123
And thank you Gary for the second version below:
video by jGracePro
So love like you are whispering in the dark. Let your love shine through in a way that even when it is dark, the love still penetrates and touches the heart and you light up the world for the other person. Love changes us all and changes those around us.
“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
“Live for something. Do good and leave behind your monument of virtue that the storms of life can never destroy. Write your name in kindness love and mercy on the hearts of thousands that you come in contact with year after year. You will never be forgotten.”
Write you name in kindness. What a concept when so many want to be famous and have great wealth. Kindness should be a simple thing. I will always remember the kindness people showed me while the rest would go by the wayside. I think about my student in my third grade class, who was at the hospital when I had surgery many years ago because her Dad had surgery. She saw I was alone in my room right next to the room her Dad was in and so she sat with me most of that day and put cool cloths on my brow and held the glass for me to sip water. Such kindness and the memory is as fresh today as the day it happened twenty something years ago.
Kindness goes a long way. I have sat and watched people do something so kind and it would touch my heart even when the kindness was being shown someone else. These things seem to stick with us for kindness is such a great gift to bestow on someone.
A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.
Charles H. Spurgeon
Kindness, mercy, and love are a universal language that everyone can understand even if we do not speak the same language. Are we becoming a cynical society? Do we see the bad so vividly that we no longer see the good and those that need a kind word or kind touch? I read on different places on the internet and the anger and hate by some are palpable. What has happened to our world?
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
I can think of times in my life when all I wanted was kindness, a gentle touch and soothing words and I know many others in this world are the same way. Being kind cost us nothing but time and a little effort. We should try to be kind as often as we can. I hate the expression “random act of kindness” for it implies random should only be occasionally. What about having kindness all the time?
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
Have you ever thought about the effect you have on others. Think about how many people you come in contact with daily, even those you never speak to but just are seen. How has your behavior affected them? Have you ever thought about what your behavior or lack of behavior or action might do to those you come in contact with? Are you writing your name in kindness? Are you being kind anyway even when you do not feel like it?
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
So, are you writing your name in kindness? Are you writing your name in mercy and love for others? Are you leaving behind a monument of love and caring that has made a mark that can not be forgotten or washed away? Gone are the days communities come together to help families build their homes or raise their barns, but the days of reaching out in love and helping others in time of need or just giving comfort and love need not be gone. We need to be kind anyway.
Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.
When was the last time you carried dinner to someone, called someone to see how they are, visited a shut-in, drove someone to a doctor appointment that you knew had no transportation, did something for someone just because you knew they needed it? When was the last time you smiled at strangers and had a kind word or smiled and spoke back when they spoke to you? When was the last time you wrote your legacy on a monument called a legacy of kindness? Sad to say but most people say “call me if you need me” when if we just used our eyes, we would know when someone was in need and would know to just offer to help.
As for me:
I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.
Sometimes people comes along that touch your heart and let you know that you matter. When that happens…treasure the moment. I am blessed by the people in my life that care about me. I consider friendship a relationship and like all relationships…you have to work at them. If you have only one real close friend in life you are blessed and if you have more than one, consider yourself abundantly blessed for then you are really rich.
image from beinghappygirl.blogspot.com
A heart friend is someone who has etched themselves on your heart, that is loved forever and a day and then some, that loves you as you are and accepts you as you are at the moment, that knows your heart and knows when you are struggling and someone who brings a glow to your life. A true heart friend stays forever.
“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
That takes a real friend to know you so well that they know the song your heart sings and when the song has gotten lost in all the daily living, they sing it back to you to help you get back on your trail. A real friend that knows the tears behind your smile, the struggles behind your jokes and knows how to send comfort in surprising ways. If you have a true heart friend, consider yourself truly blessed.
I was playing music tonight and this song was one and it says it all about heart friends in my life. I am so blessed to be loved and cared about: heart friends that whisper on the wind “do not worry friend, I am near”.
video by timmy841212
“You Are My Friend”
(P. LaBelle/A. Edwards/J. Ellison)
You are my friend
I never knew it until then
My friend, my friend
You hold my hand
You might not say a word
But I see your tears when I show my pain
You are my friend
I never knew it until then
I feel your love when you’re not near
It helps me make it knowing you care
The thought of you helps me carry on
When I feel all hope is gone
I see the world with brand new eyes
Your love has made me realize
My future looks bright to me
Because you are my friend
You are my friend
I’ve been looking around
And you were here all the time
(C)1977 Epic Records, Inc.
And a heart friend is someone who can look you in the eye when you say “I am Okay” and hug you tight and say “I know you are not. And I am here.” A hug is worth thousands of words and heart friends are worth even more. And if you have no heart friend right now, be your own heart friend and be there for yourself.
friendship-quotes-picturesimage from http://www.full2bindas.com
We always hear “change is inevitable” and it is. What we do not hear is that how we deal with change is up to us. It is our choice to accept and deal with change. It may be change at work, change at home, change in family, change in friendships, change in health or whatever. And sometimes we react instead of act. We just throw our hands up and say this is not worth fighting for. Change is often spoken of in self-defeating terms as if we have no choices in the matter and so we do nothing.
image from pairadimes.davidtruss.com
How we react to change is totally up to us. It is our choice to accept it is bad or good. It is our choice to stay or to walk away in defeat or to give up or to just throw away whatever it is. And yet, many will say “things have changed and I can do nothing”. Yes, you can do something. You can look at why the changes occur, figure out if they are changes you contributed to, decide if the changes are from other things such as health issues, medicines or their own stress or your own stress. Some changes are permanent and some are not and we do not want to make a permanent decision to walk away from something without understanding what is going on.
I have heard it said that when it comes to relationships, be it family, lover, spouse or friends that you never move on to another until you have finished dealing with the problems in the first because you will just have a relationship that is doomed to fail. Sometimes when we see people as changed, we never take time to ask ourselves why? Change in a person does not mean that the relationship has to change. It just means it evolves. I am a firm believer in refusing to change two things in my life without knowing first what has happened. I never change my love for another or my loyalty to them without knowing is it them that has changed and why or is it me that has changed and why. I believe in the person I grew to know and love. If there are changes, I learn to stop and say “What is going on? What has happened to make the change? Is something health wise going on? Is the change me or them?” There is always a reason for change. I may distance myself to keep from getting hurt for I have cried the depths of despair over some people in my life but I do not just throw my hands up and say this is hopeless until I know that there is nothing that can be done to fix it.
Some things I can walk away from without blinking an eye. Some jobs if the change is too drastic, I could turn my back and walk away with ease. We just have to decide what is important. Some things we can only do what we know to do to help it such as in health changes. I can not change all that is wrong with me but I can change how I deal with it. I try to deal with my own health problems with compassion and understanding for it is my body dealing with them. And I try to deal with other people’s health problems with compassion and care for they can not always control their health issues.
image from kelly-waters.me
Change is inevitable. We all know that. Just keep reminding yourself that how you deal with it is YOUR choice. You can choose to throw your hands up in defeat, figure out why the change happened, try to understand the change, walk away from the change but whatever it is, make sure you have dealt with it all before you just abandon it. Because if you can walk way easily, it was not that important to begin with. And I can think of a few jobs, a few homes, etc that I walked away easily from as there was no attachment. Now when it comes t people, I do all I can to try to understand and see from all sides and not take it personally before I decide to just walk away. All change is not necessarily all good or all bad and we have to really no rush into a decision before we deal with it. We have to “act” not “react” to change for reactions are not based on facts but rather on emotions. If we do that, then if we decide to walk away from a situation, we can do it without regrets.
image from http://www.wisdomquotesandstories.com
Life is so funny. We make it through the high school years or so we think. And then people turn around and revert back to behavior that comes from high school days. Those days that were filled with trying to fit in with “the crowd” and wanting people to like us and value us. And sometimes, we would do stupid things trying to make people see our worth never realizing that we can not make people see anything about us whether it is our worth, our love, our value, how pretty we are or are not, how sick we are or are not or what great qualities we have. We can not make anyone see any of that. The only thing we can control is ourselves.
I think I learned early on this lesson and was always told I had an “old soul” for this reason. It was like I had walked these paths and knew the answers before my time. My parents used to get mad because I did not work to be part if the “IN crowd” and I would tell them that I did not want to be part of that group because at our school they were the ones out doing things they should not be doing at 15 and 16 such as drinking, smoking, having sex. But, because they came from what my parents deemed “good homes” and were “popular” in school, then they were the ones I was supposed to be friends with.
It was the days of certain people being idols because they were the most popular or the football star, etc and people were all but drooling all over them and were always chasing after them trying to be able to say they were the closest to the idol. I remember my father telling me that I was a failure because I did not work to be elected to one of those status symbols for the yearbook such as “most likely to succeed”, “most popular” or “most athletic”. I was a star athlete and it made him mad because I did not even try to win that one. And yet, my old soul knew that these labels did not make me a person of value. I told him that it was a popularity contest not a real award.
image from www.empowernetwork.com
And when people become adults and especially with Facebook, this competition atmosphere exists again and you see some of the same high school behavior of cutting people down, trying to intimidate people by posting on top of all their posts, jealousies, idol worship and you name it. And as I look at Facebook, I feel a sense of deja Vu and think “was high school not enough?” Must we repeat the behavior of teen years. Did people not learn their own worth or learn that it is not based on what others think but on what you think of yourself? Some people brag they have 560 friends. Sorry folks, but you do not have that many friends. You have 560 people who clicked to be on your page but they are mostly people you do not really know. According to a report I read, it said that Facebook brings out the high school in people and I do believe that “can” be true. But, as always, I refuse to join in that kind of behavior because it is high school like and immature.
Sometimes we settle for less because we do not think we are worth being truly loved. We do not see that we are allowing ourselves to be an option for someone when we deserve to be a priority. Sometimes we base our worth on whether certain people love us or care about us. But, this is no longer high school where we are just learning what it means to be an adult and fall in love and have good friends we love. We are adults who should always know that we are valuable because our hearts tell us we are and not because someone else does. We are valuable because we are worthy. It does not take people chasing after us, trying to be our best friend, trampling anyone around to keep others from being friends with us to make us worthy or valuable. We are valuable because of what is inside us and we decide that. No one can take our self-worth and our self-respect from us unless we hand it to them.
image from www.finerminds.com
My older than dirt wisdom has taught me that I must be the driver of my own bus and that I must first recognize my own self worth before anyone else will. And if no one sees that I am a good person, then I must see for myself and keep walking my path. Be the person you want others to see and let it shine.
image from www.bestsayingsquotes.com
It is a new year full of all different choices for us each to make. We can either step up and choose for ourselves or we can be in the victim mentality and let others choose for us. When we are little kids, our parents choose for us but once we grow up…the choices are ours to make. This year ♫♫ put a little choice in your life ♫♫.
This year, make a conscious choice to choose happiness and work towards creating it within your heart. Stop choosing to depend on others to make you happy. Stop depending on things to make you happy. Stop choosing places to make you happy and choose to make yourself happy for only we can do that for ourselves. Things, people, places can all be taken from us. What is in our hearts can not.
Own your lives and your stories and choose to make your life the best possible. Choose to trust until you are shown that you can not trust. Choose to accept people as they are and to not judge all by what one or two people did to you. Choose to love in spite of what others do not because of what they do. Choose to be forgiving and to not only forgive but to ask forgiveness whether the other person forgives you are not. Choose to see the good in life instead of the bad. Choose to let go of old baggage and leave it in 2015. Choose to be the driver of your own bus and make decisions that are best for you.
I hear people say “So and so made me lose my temper”, “So and so caused me to quit trying” and other things along this line. People can not “make” us do anything. That is a choice. No one holds a gun on us and says “You must give up right now.” or “You must get angry right now.”. We choose to do that. I see people get furious over what a stranger said to them and they chose to do that. And my response is “What do you care what a stranger says?” Choose to pause and then act instead of reacting to others. Choose to own your words, your actions and your life and be accountable for it.
Choose to know why you do something. I was watching Dr. Phil and he asked a woman why she stayed with a man who treated her badly and her response was “I just love him so much”. And when Dr. Phil asked her what she loved about him, she could not answer. She just kept saying “I just love him ..I just love him.” I can tell you twenty something years later why I loved a certain man in detail. I loved how he laughed. I loved how caring he was. I loved how he would do small things to show his love. I loved how affectionate he was. I loved how he loved my sons and how he loved his own children. I loved how he stood by me in times of trouble. I loved how he tried to protect me from ugliness in the world. I loved how sharing he was. If good things came into his life, he wanted all those he loved to share in it. And the list could go on. If you can not tell why you love a significant other, then perhaps you are in love with being in love and really do not love the person as much as you think. Own your actions.
Choose to try to make this the best year you have ever had. Choose to believe in yourself and not depend on others to validate you. Choose to laugh often and love a lot. Choose to be honorable and respectful and choose to be someone others can trust. Choose to be respected not disrespected. Choose to take the best care of you that you can for if you do not, no one else will. And most of all, choose to hear that song in your heart that takes your breath, makes you sigh and fills you to the brim and brings joy to your life.
These are your choices this year and many more choices that I have not even listed. Choose to ♫♫put a little choice in your life ♫♫
I had someone ask me once what was MOJO because I use the expression all the time that I am putting my MOJO on. This below is the best description of MOJO I have seen to date.
image from idlehearts.com
I can not tell you how but I can tell you that always, there is something inside me that refuses to give up, that refuses to lose hope and that refuses to give in. And that part pushes me, kicks me up, screams and hollers in my ear until I hear it and I keep putting one foot in front of the other to keep going.
Sometimes we can get so discouraged that we fail to see that there is another route to our goal. We get so bogged down in the pain and misery that we no longer see that tiny star of hope and we close our ears and pull the covers over our heads and want to quit. I have been there and in the quiet under the covers I started hearing that little voice screaming at me “GET UP!!” “DON”T QUIT NOW”, etc. But, it took being in the pits of the situation for me to get quiet enough to hear that inner voice screaming at me.
image from dailyinspirationalquotes.in
The next part is going to hit hard to some people, will hit that note of recognition in others and will make some think “really?”. The basic truth is that when we get in pain, frustration and drowning in our sorrows…all we are focused on is “ME”. And it is at that point that we can not see down the road because “ME” is blocking the view.
Some of you asked me…so here it is. I realized a long time ago that if I stayed focused on “poor me” and all that is wrong…I can never see what might could be right. At that point, I am so (some will hate this) wallowing in my own self pity that I can not see the solution nor can I see the strength in my own self to get back up and fight again.
I had to learn to change my focus off “ME” and back on to the goal to get “HELP” for me, to :FIND SOLUTIONS that make life of greater quality for me, to “FIND THE PROTOCOLS” that help me. Yes, “me” is still in there but in a role of less importance compared to the goals of finding something to help our health.
I wake up every morning with every nerve fiber in my body screaming in pain. I take my meds and I lay there while it kicks in thinking of what I can do to further my goals. I am here in Denver and I can tell you that I have two choices here. I can scream and cry and carry on and pull the covers over my head and say “I can not do this” (or even attempt to do it but scream and cry the whole time about how bad I am) or I can pull from deep within for that inner strength and say “I CAN and I WILL do this” and I will do it with attitude! It is all about choice. And that is MOJO when you choose the latter and say I can and I will do this no matter how hard it is and I will do it in style and in grace. I may come home and crash on the bed when I get in..but I WILL do it. That is MOJO..that is determination and that is learning to do for myself instead of expecting others to do it for me.
I am not unique. There are many of us that smile and do what we have to do without drawing the attention on how bad we feel and instead put it on the goal that we have set to carry out. Strength is not some mysterious gift given to me and a few others. We all have it. Whether we use it or not is up to us.
Find your inner MOJO and use it. And using your MOJO does not mean you have to be a bad ass or a bitch. It simply means being strong and calm and learning to say “no that will not work because…” I remember a dear friend once saying in reference to a person that was acting the bad ass to everyone..”you know, you can be assertive without being a bad ass or a bitch. If you want people to listen..be assertive but hold off on the bitch attitude.”. I remembered that I refer to it often when I want to just tell someone off.
image from dailyinspirationalquotes.in