Disability

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Life in general can be a hard journey and life chronically ill can be even harder. It took me years to learn that I was in charge of how my life affected me mentally/emotionally and no one else. I can remember years of feeling like my life was swirling out of control around me and wanting to yell “STOP THE BUS!!! I WANT OFF!” because I felt like I was not in the driver’s seat. A dear friend taught me that when the bus we are on feels like it is going places we do not want to go…then change buses.

I had to learn a few things to accomplish this changing of buses. I had to learn that I decide my happiness…no one else; no things, no places, no people…just me. I am the one that determines my happiness. Happiness is not found in other things, in people, places, events. Those things bring us joy and joy is fleeting. We feel it and when it is over…it is gone. When someone comes to visit us, we feel joy and that joy remains a while after they leave and then the joy fades. If we do not develop and nurture the happiness inside us, then we feel let down, sad and depressed once one of those “joy” things has come and gone. If we depend on people, places, things, events etc to make us happy..we will always be disappointed because none of those things is perfect. People have lives, things grow old and I can not get to places or events very often. But I can create within me a place of happiness that is happy in spite of what is going on. I can have systems in place like my son sending me videos and pictures during events of my Sweetpea so that I am involved.

“There is no way to run from a hardship. It is what it is…nothing more. Either live life being angry and unhappy with a hardship or live life being happy and optimistic with a hardship. You cannot go back and change the struggles and hardships you may be facing…it’s not our job.” [Jenny Addis]

I can not change my health but I can change how I deal with it. It is my journey and up to me to lift myself up. No one can make us happy, that is for us to do. YES, we do need support but the only way that a person can really support is in understanding and being there for us and that is important to have. But, the sad truth is…often people have no support and must learn to support themselves. We can wear ourselves out wanting things to be different, wanting others to be there, to care and to understand and wanting to be able to get up and do what we no longer can do and getting upset because none of that is happening. That is exhausting. So, we must develop ways to make life easier for ourselves if no one is there. Poor son, if I did not have a system set up for me for when no one was here and he had to be by me 24/7, the man would have no life. And I do not want that.

And so, I learned to drive my own bus so to speak on this journey called life. I learned that if I do this, this happens and I must rest. Or if I want to do this or that, I rest first and so I go with the flow. I learned that if I lay here all the time, I am losing muscle and the one muscle I do not want weaker is my heart. So I force myself to move, to get up, to do stretchy band and yoga type exercises, and even chair dance to get my energy and heart rate up. With three new diagnosis, three new meds and treatment starting today on one, I have to be in charge of me. I know what this treatment med will bring and I am ready for it with the things I need for those sick times. I learned that I have to drive my own bus.

“Having the energy to pursue our passions will always come if that’s our wish. Most of who we are, what we do, and where we are going relates to our attitude. Being tired, bored, scared, or unhappy are decisions, nothing more. Coming to grips with this reality has the potential for changing every aspect of our lives.”

http://www.inspirationspeaks.me