Simply danLrene

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Thoughts on Friendship

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Friendship is a wonderful thing.  People have all different definitions of friendship. And there are many different levels of friendship. I have friends that I have had since high school and have not seen them since high school but I still consider them friends and even though we do not talk, if they called me and said I need you…I would do my best to be there.  I have friends I talk to daily. I have friends I talk to occasionally. And I have friends I no longer speak to. And I have friends that I find that I can not really associate with because I do not believe in what they are doing. It violates my values but I still care about them. I still love them.

image from quotes4friendship.blogspot.com

Because of social media outlets, the real meaning of friendship has become blurred.  People do not know what real friendship is. With social media outlets you will hear people tell you they love you and they are your friend and they totally support you and then the next day they may be with another set of friends. That is not real friendship. To me, it just says that they are adept liars and after whatever they can get. And when the next well runs dry, they will move on to another.

“Where does all the fake love come from? Is it them or is it me?
Unknown

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image from favim.com

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“True friends are like diamonds, precious but rare.  Fake friends are like fall leaves, found everywhere.
Anonymous

Nor do many know what real friendship is NOT.  It is not agreeing with everything the other person says or does. It is not lying for them or defending them when they are wrong. It is not never getting irritated with them or angry with them. I can not imagine a real relationship where no one ever got irritated or angry or never said something the other person did not like. We are not the Stepford Wives here. It is standing by them even when you disagree. It is feeling free enough to say I do not agree with what you are doing or saying. Real friends are totally honest with each other and do not expect someone to mirror what they want. They could just look in the mirror and get that. Real friends are trustworthy and if you talk in confidence, they keep it in confidence.

A  friend can tell you things you don’t want to tell yourself.  ~Frances Ward Weller

I personally am the type that if I am your friend, I am your friend. I do not put conditions on it. I do not leave you because I do not like what you say or do or do not like that you disagree with me. I do not expect friends to be perfect. I do expect them to be honest but even when they are not…I am still a friend. And I am honest with friends, even when it is to say I do not think what you are doing is right.  I love in spite of….not because of. That is a real friend in my definition.Real friends do not have to pretend or agree just to make someone happy.  The only thing that makes me back away is when I am attacked or I find that people are lying to me. Something I personally can not stand. But, even when I back away…I am not like so many and just turn my back. I am still a friend. See, friendship does not end just because one person says they are no longer a friend. Not if it was a real friendship in the heart.

image from quotes-friendship.com

With so many using “friend” in so many different ways, I decided to see what the Bible said about friendship and friends. For I find that sometimes people use the word friend to mean someone who shows attention, someone who agrees with all you say, someone who gives money or gifts…and the real meaning of a real friend…a good friend…is lost in all that

Proverbs 18:24

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 27:5-7
5-Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6- Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
John 15: 12-15
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
 Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
 Proverbs 12:26
The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.
Galatians 4:16

16 Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?

 I never thought about it in terms like above but I do believe in telling the truth as gently as you can but always the truth. And yes, occasionally I have had someone I considered a real friend get mad because they did not want to hear the truth and I became the enemy.  Which is sad but I still would tell them the truth again.

I started reading on quotes on real friends. I loved this one for only a real friend will tell you the truth even when you do not want to hear it. A real friend will not let you go out looking bad. They will try to stop you when you are doing something that will get you in trouble. A real friend cares about YOU.

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. 

~Sicilian Proverb

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The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still loves you. 

~Elbert Hubbard, The Notebook, 1927

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A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. 
~Arnold Glasow
I am so blessed to have some of the most wonderful real friends in my life. Do we always agree? No. Do they always tell me what I want to hear? No.  But they do love me in spite of not because of and they remain true to me and lift me up and I feel that daily from them. They make my world so much brighter and fill my life with laughter and joy and I am so thankful for them. They lighten my burdens my sorrows and multiply my joy.

A real friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.

  ~Douglas Pagels~

“Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend.”

~ Plautus~

October 9, 2016 Posted by | All | , , , , , | Leave a comment

“What If You Do Not ….”

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I have always believed that if you had just one person that truly loved you and believed in you and was your real friend, you were lucky. Then I was asked recently ‘What if you do not have that one person?’…and I cried. I cried for past hurts, for all those people who live lonely lives just wanting that one close friend, for the home bound and for those that have been used and hurt and afraid to trust again.

Many people in the world are alone and lonely and just want a friend but are home bound due to disability, old age, etc. . And thanks to the internet, people can talk and meet others if they have a computer. Unfortunately, you never really know people when you meet them online until they “show” you and for the home bound this can be a treacherous road.  You can open up and trust and then find out the person you thought really cared did not. But the same is true in real life…we never really know people until they “show” us their true colors. And so I had no answer to that question “What if you did not have that one person?”. I just have suggestions to help along the way.

What I do know is that we have to judge this by how people treat us. Real friends do not deliberately hurt you, do not play games with you, do not use you, do not talk about you with others behind your back, do not abandon you on and off depending on what they feel or who is new in their life, do not use you for their needs, and real friends really care about what is happening to you…good bad or ugly.

So, we have to look at how we are being treated; Has it changed?  Has it always been this way?  Do I feel good being around them? When we talk, is it meaningful or just trivial? Am I giving more emotionally than is being given? Does the other person try to relegate us to a new place in their lives or push us away?  Love and friendship should be something that make us both happy and if it is not, then it is time to move on. That sounds harsh but one of the things that took me years to learn was:

priorityimage from shareinspirequotes.blogspot.com

If you are trying so hard that it wears you out to be a friend to someone, then stop. Having a dear friend should not be that much work. It should flow. Yes, there will be times you argue or fuss as in all relationships. But, for the most part, friendship especially a dear friendship should just flow and we accept each other where we are at. Yes, there is work involved but if it becomes all work then something is wrong. Just remember that the flip side is you must be the good friend too and be there for the person.

I had a friend named Audrey who died of cancer about over ten years ago. We talked daily for several years on the phone, on messenger and texted, and yet we had never met in person but I would have bet my money that Audrey would have been there if I needed her as I was for her during all her rough times. And she was. She carried me by phone to so many things such as Las Vegas with her husband and family to hear Celine Dion sing, to the doctor, on vacation, etc.To her I was family and it did not matter who was around.

Many think real friendships can not be forged by messenger or phone or only meeting once but they can. I only met Audrey in person two weeks before she died. Her children flew me out there as that was her mother’s deepest desire..to meet me in person. I carry Audrey in my heart daily since her death and miss her terribly. When we talked…she really cared about what I thought, how I was feeling, and wanted to hear how my day was. And I did her. If I cried over something she would say “Want me to come whup their arse?”  and I would laugh. Which was her intent. We all need that one person willing to fight for us when we can not.

How to answer that question “what if I do not have one?”.  All I can say is first, be your own friend for people will always let you down even dear friends. Learn to support and love yourself for then you will not be disappointed by another. Second, get to know people even if online for you can forge wonderful friendships if both parties want. But, this comes with a warning. It takes months and some- times years to know if a person is real and is authentic.And be the kind of friend to a person that you want them to be to you. If they are not, then that is a good indication that this is one of those casual friends and not the close friend you are wanting.

Time tells you if they are who they say they are. It takes time to know if the person really cares about you and if it will last. Some people change friends like they change underwear and are never going to be that real friend you look for. So start friendships online with caution and give them time… LOTS of time to see if they are real. There are close friends, there are casual friends and there are acquaintances and it is important to know the difference. That does not mean you can not talk to those who are not that special close friend. It just means we need to recognize the difference so that we do not open ourselves up to hurt.

And last, try adopting a pet. My Daisy is the best friend I could ever have. She loves me unconditionally even when I am not so lovable. She accepts me as I am, always greets me with her doggie smile and does not leave me. I trust her with all my secrets, am not afraid to tell her if I am having a bad day or hurting, do not worry if I am taking too much time or not being good enough, etc. With a pet you will get all the snuggles and love in the world that we all need to feel loved. And with a pet, you never feel alone for they are there all the time and just want you to love them. And this is really good for someone home bound. And oh the joy of giving love so someone who loves you so much…for me that is the most beautiful part. We can love her unconditionally. Pets just want to be loved like we do.

daisy on head

September 28, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

“What If You Do Not ….”

“I have always believed if you had just one person that truly loved you and believed in you and was your real friend, you were lucky. Then I was asked recently…‘what if you do not have that one person?’…and I cried.” danlrene

Many people in the world are alone and lonely and just want a friend. And thanks to the internet, people can talk and meet others. Unfortunately, you never really know people when you meet them online until they “show” you and for the home bound this can be a treacherous road.  You can open up and trust and then find out the person you thought really cared did not. But the same is true in real life…we never really know people until they “show” us their true colors. And so I had no answer to that question “what if you did not have that one person?”.

What I do know is we have to judge this by how people treat us. Real friends do not deliberately hurt you, do not play games with you, do not use you, do not talk about you with others behind your back, do not abandon you on and off depending on what they feel, do not use you for their needs, and real friends really care about what is happening to you…good bad or ugly. So, we have to look at how we are being treated; Has it changed?, Has it always been this way?, Do I feel good being around them?, When we talk is it meaningful or just trivial? Am I giving more emotionally than is being given? Does the other person try to relegate us to a new place in their lives or push us away?  Love and friendship should be something that make us both happy and if it is not, then it is time to move on. That sounds harsh but one of the things that took me years to learn was:

priorityimage from shareinspirequotes.blogspot.com

If you are trying so hard that it wears you out to be a friend to someone…then stop. Having a dear friend should not be that much work. It should flow. Yes, there will be times you argue or fuss as in all relationships. But, for the most part, friendship …dear friendship should just flow and we accept each other where we are at. Yes, there is work involved but if it becomes all work…something is wrong. Just remember that the flip side is you must be the good friend too and be there for the person.

I had a friend named Audrey who died of cancer about seven years ago. We talked daily for several years on the phone…on messenger, texted…and yet we had never met in person but I would have bet my money that Audrey would have been there if I needed her as I was for her during all her rough times. And she was. She carried me by phone to so many things…Las Vegas with her husband and family to hear Celine Dion sing, to the doctor, etc. Many think real friendships can not be forged by messenger or phone or only meeting once but they can. I only met Audrey in person a month or so before she died. Her children flew me out there as that was her mother’s deepest desire..to meet me in person. I carry Audrey in my heart daily since her death and miss her terribly. When we talked…she really cared about what I thought, how I was feeling, and wanted to hear how my day was. And I did her. If I cried over something she would say “want me to come whup their arse?”  and I would laugh. Which was her intent.

I have another friend online that I have met once in my life. We are dear friends to this day but we met online, talked in a support group and emails and stuff…that is how our friendship was forged. And then one day we met in person. The point being on this is that yes, dear friendships can be made online. I have others I have never met but have talked to for years online in groups. That is how you know. I have a dear friend  who is amazed that we are such good friends since we have only seen each other in person twice and talked just by messenger, phone or text for three years. I am not for I learned way before her that it was possible to connect at the soul when you talk to someone long enough …even by messenger/phone/text.

But, how to answer that question “what if I do not have one?”.  All I can say is first…be your own friend for people will always let you down…even dear friends. Learn to support and love yourself for then you will not be disappointed by another. Second, get to know people…even if online for you can forge wonderful friendships if both parties want. But, this comes with a warning. It takes months and sometimes years to know if a person is real…is authentic…if they are who they say they are. It takes time to know if the person really cares about you and if it will last. Some people change friends like they change clothes…constantly and drop others and are never going to be that real friend you look for. So start friendships online with caution and give them time… LOTS of time to see if they are real.

And try adopting a pet. My Daisy is the best friend I could ever have. She loves me unconditionally even when I am not so loveable. She accepts me as I am, always greets me with her doggie smile and does not leave me. I trust her with all my secrets, am not afraid to tell her if I am having a bad day or hurting, do not worry if I am taking too much time or not being good enough, etc. With a pet you will get all the snuggles and love in the world that we all need to feel loved. And with a pet, you never feel alone for they are there all the time and just want you to love them. And this is really good for someone home bound. And oh the joy of giving love so someone who loves you so much…for me that is the most beautiful part. We can love her unconditionally.

daisy on head

September 28, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Walls That People Can Build

image from https://www.facebook.com/Positiveandinspirationalquotes

This is a wonderful quote from a friend’s page and I had to share it for many do not realize that they build walls.  One of the quickest ways to build walls around oneself is through lying and manipulating others. Every lie is like a cinder block that makes the wall go higher and higher.And soon, what happens is people find themselves in a world of people but very few that really care about them.  Lies wall you in because one lie takes another lie and people have to always be looking around or be careful of what they say and do because someone will find out the lie. I can not imagine living my life worrying that someone will find out that I was lying and learn the truth. That is why the wall is built to protect themselves and keeps people from really seeing them or from getting too close. People who manipulate and lie pick people because of what they can give them not because they want them really in their lives and so wall them off from them emotionally. It is the people who truly care about others that pick people because they love them and desire them in their lives and are the ones that  have opened their lives up to others.

Some people wall themselves off because they are afraid of being hurt. It is my philosophy that sometimes we will be hurt. People may say or do things to hurt us and we learn that some people are not real friends and did not really love us and that is alright. We will learn that sometimes people may hurt us but the buffer is all the ones that love us and care about us. It is all part of life and that by allowing people into our world, the good far out weighs the bad. I would rather have two or three true friends than all the fake ones in the world. How about you?

Another way that walls are built without people realizing it is when they have a one way friendship and that is when they are not really a friend but want others to be a friend to them. Friendship is both ways and sometimes people can forget that or they really do not know what friendship is because they have done it so long that they actually think they are being a friend. I learned that real friends, no matter how long between talking to them, pick up just as if no time had passed because there are no walls between us. Real friends are part of the foundation of your life…not the walls in your life.

It is amazing that the very people one might think has the most walls and is closed in are the home bound and sometimes it can be that way. Sometimes though, a person like me who is in a hospital bed most of the time has the least amount of walls there are because we open honestly and truly to people and we allow them into our world. I am truly blessed by so many that I know care about me and I care about them and it is because I do not put walls up to block people from the real me. It has been my experience that the ones who use illness to get attention and other things from people build walls around themselves because they are not being open and honest but rather using their illness. The wall is that they can not really show themselves because then people will know the truth. My illnesses are not me. They are something I have. I am the person inside the body but I have no problem with people seeing the real me and the shape I am in because I have not put a wall around me.

I have learned in my many years that if we are open and honest and compassionate and caring and truly care about others, we do not build walls.  We have allowed ourselves to be out in the world and let people in that truly care. We give of ourselves to others and we are not takers.  Life is too short and too precious to build my own walls and walls would keep me from the wonderful people I meet like all of you.

July 11, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

By Your Side And In Your Heart

“Friendship is not about who you have known the longest–It is about those who came and never left your side.”

I loved this quote for it says far more than the words themselves say. I have been blessed with some wonderful friends in my lifetime. One might read the quote and think that a friend is only those you see all the time but it is not. I have friends from high school that have never left my side nor my heart. We may not talk for months or even years on end but when we do talk, the time evaporates and you never knew there was any time-lapse in seeing each other. They are still in my heart and my life.

image from http://www.knowcrazy.com/2010/11/friendship-quotes.html

I think friendship has become an underrated or perhaps overrated word. It is used to mean all the people who click “Friends” on Facebook and is a term without any meaning. To me…a friend…a real friend is someone who I know I could call in the middle of the night and say I am in trouble and they would try to come help me. I could call and say I am stuck here in such and such place and out of money and can not get home and they would find a way to come pick me up or get someone to me.

I have met a lot of nice people through my many years that I liked but I would not call them friends but more like acquaintances that touched me briefly. One day someone asked me what it was I thought was in a friendship and I researched it and wrote down what a friend was. In the Bible I found the quote that said :

image from http://www.zazzle.com/greater_love_hath_no_man_than_this_that_a_man_tshirt-235370978162490930

Now that is a pretty powerful statement…that I would lay down my life for my friends. And to me..my loved ones..are family and some of that family is friends or family of choice. So, yes, I think if the circumstance warranted it, I would lay my life down to save a friend.

A side story on family being friends too. My son told a woman he dated briefly, who did not want him to even come visit his sick mother…that not only was I his mother, I was his friend and part of his life. That made me cry but it also brought home what I said above. Family is friends too..very special friends.

I have read a lot of mushy quotes on friendship, some even stating that a real friend will lie for you and to you and will follow you into trouble and will let you run into trouble. I do not believe that. I believe real friendship is based on honesty and if you really love someone…then you will tell them the truth and will try to stop them if they are doing something that is going to get them in trouble.

“It can be hard to break the friendship code of secrecy and make your friend mad at you, but you must do what you feel in your heart is right.”
—Amanda Ford

Being totally honest with a friend may not be easy, but if you love them you will be. That is the best present you can give a friend….your honesty and your love for when we are honest with friends then they know exactly how we feel. There are no hidden thoughts or feelings between friends.

image from http://www.knowcrazy.com/2010/11/friendship-quotes.html

A real friend also believes that you are capable and believes in you when even you do not. I have had people I considered friends to tell me they were not as strong as me and could not do what I do. And my reply was that yes they could if they wanted to.  I had seen them be strong when they wanted to be and I knew what was inside them and I believed in them and encouraged them and pushed them to be all that they could be.

image from http://www.knowcrazy.com/2010/11/friendship-quotes.html

Being real friends does not mean that you never argue or disagree. That is human nature. The real test comes when there is a disagreement.  It is then that we learn the truth of our friendships.

“A true friend is someone you can disagree with and still remain friends. For if not, they weren’t true friends in the first place.”
—Sandy Ratliff

The people I call real friends stay by my side…in my heart and close. We may not talk daily or even monthly but we do talk. And even when we have argued and they have left mad or I have told them to leave…they still stay by my side for real friendships endure these things. The ones that leave because they are mad and never come back become the ones that are a sad lesson for me for I learn then that they were not really friends at all. And that is a hard lesson to learn.

image from sayingimages.com

The most important thing to remember about friends is that it does not matter who is friends to your face…what really matters is who remains your friend behind your back.

image from http://www.knowcrazy.com/2010/11/friendship-quotes.html

June 30, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 7 Comments

Friendship

As I lay here, I am thinking about how fortunate I am for all the friends I have made in life. Friends are like precious gems.  Friendships are like those tort cakes. Ever seen one?  Layer after layer of goodness.

image from whatscookingamerica.net

We have many layers of friends. Some are new friends, some are old friends, some are casual friends, some are best friends…layer after layer and sometimes our tort cake rises high in the sky. But, I believe that even if we have only one true friend…we are blessed beyond means. And if we are really lucky, they will be just as nutty as we are. 🙂

image from glutenfreeeasily.com

A real friend will stand by you, will dry your tears, laugh with you, dance with you through life and most of all..be honest with you…even when you don’t want to hear it.

And now a big thank you to Darlene for the park pictures below from her home area in Minnesota. Hugs to you friend.

April 1, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 12 Comments

   

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