Simply danLrene's Opinion

Work Your Dream

On Boundaries

Boundaries

Boundaries are important to make your life more peaceful. Some people do not know how to set boundaries and others do not know how to use boundaries. The difference in that those two things is that some people have not set any boundaries so people intrude on their lives all the time. And other people just do not follow boundaries and are constantly intruding on the lives of others.

I had to learn how to set boundaries and learn how to say no. It is alright to say no when someone wants you to do something. Yes, they might get mad for a bit but they will get over it and if they do not get over it, they were not a friend to begin with but rather someone used to using others. Have you ever agreed to do something say like be in charge of an event that you really had no interest in and really did not have the time to do and then came home mad at yourself for saying yes?  And then you felt resentful about having to do it? That is a sign we need boundaries and need to stick to them.

Decide what is right for you not to please everyone else but to please yourself. If you do not want to go somewhere, go on a girl or guy’s night out, babysit for someone, take over someone’s shift, lend money, etc, then learn how to say no. Do not make excuses cause you will get trapped in them. Just say no. Yes, some will try to guilt you but trust me when I say it is far better to come home after saying no than it is to come home and be angry with yourself and resent what you are going to be doing.

And this little part here is for those that think they “have the right” as so many put it to say or do what they want. Yes, that is true but when you step on our rights to not be bothered, you are crossing a line. Some people need to learn respect for others and sometimes we have to be the one to teach them. So, please…set boundaries and stick to them so that the ones with no boundaries do not run over you.

May 3, 2017 Posted by | Personal opinions | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Family and Friends Versus Political Views

Family and Friends vs Political Views

This topic was prompted by what I have read on social media. My first reaction is to say “What the H is wrong with people.”  but I realize that will not get the message out there. So, if you are so filled with hate over this election that you can not think clearly, have trouble sleeping from it, and all you want to do is call anyone on the other side names, this is not the article for you. Or maybe it is.

I have seen people on social media saying they have removed their family and friends from their social media and their phones and will never speak to them again. Pretty drastic to do that. The day a person’s political views are more important than their family and friends is a sad day indeed. Politics will change as it always does. But your family and loved ones are always here.

I think the irony of these statements by people is that they are striking at the very core of what our country is based on: Freedom of speech and freedom to choose. These people are the very ones that scream “I have freedom of speech!” if someone tells them to hush but they are doing that to their family and loved ones and to anyone around them. And yet they do not see the irony of what they are doing.

I remember days where politics were discussed and people did not have to agree with what one side said or the other. People could discuss without going into rages and attacking people. People could disagree and would even say “we will just have to disagree on that” and go on. The past few years all that has changed and people are being attacked, name called, etc for their views on politics and even on religion. And some people are trying to silence those who do not agree with them. Is that not violating my freedom of speech if I disagree with you and you try to silence me? And the answer is YES it does. Also some people have been taught if they scream the loudest they can drown you out. It feels like high school all over again.

Now back to the family and friends being banned by people. I have to wonder if that is what these people really want is to lose their family and friends unless they agree with them? It would seem that way. I only can say this….be careful who you put out of your life for they may never allow you to come back into theirs again once you get what you want and get those in power you want. They may say enough. I find it shameful that politics are more important than family or even dear friends. Our values have been corrupted.

May 2, 2017 Posted by | Personal opinions | , , , , | 2 Comments

Pain

PAIN

Today is a topic that I know a lot about….Pain.  I would say many know what pain is but many also do not understand that pain is relative to the person and what is causing the pain. Some people have no pain tolerance and what may seem minimal to one person can be horrific to another. I love my pain specialist for he understands pain totally. He sees them as blocks stacked up on top of each other and while he can not make me pain free..not even close to pain free…he can ease some of my pain by removing one or two of the “blocks” of pain such as when he does the Radio Frequency Ablation on my spine to try to ease some of the horrific nerve pain.

I think people have to be very careful with their words because words have a lasting impact. I hear people say things like “My disease pain is worse than cancer pain.”  It might or it might not be. See, all cancer does not cause pain. I had vaginal carcinoma and it was not painful but it could have been deadly. But, cancer can produce some of the worst pain possible and if you do not believe it do some research. Some people are dying from cancer in such extreme pain that in my book it is torture. So, for a person with a disease to say my pain is much worse than cancer pain but are up walking around, going out, etc is ridiculous. When a person who can walk, who can go out into the world, can take care of their basic needs feels the need to minimize something as horrific as end stage cancer pain, something is wrong. We do not have to tear down another person’s pain to try to validate our own.

Many have this false idea that if they go to a pain doctor that the doctor should be able to remove all pain. I have a pain management specialist and the most he can do is get mine down at times but never makes me pain free. I live with what I have to live with and sometimes that means laying in my hospital bed all day not moving because even moving throws the pain over the top. My pain is never below a 5 which is considered disruptive pain and this past year hoovers around an 8. I also accept that I will never be pain free. I would not know how to act if I was.

Please remember when you look at someone with pain that you do not know the whole story. And please do not denigrate one group of people with pain just to try to validate your own. It makes you look bad. If anything, pain should make us more compassionate towards those suffering with pain not more critical to where we feel like we have to prove how bad our pain is all the time to everyone.

The reality is, those that do those kind of things to try to prove their pain is worse than anyone else only make others look at them with skepticism for  many have lost loved ones to cancer who died in horrific pain. So, when someone says “my pain is worse than cancer pain” but they are still able to care for themselves, feed themselves, dress themselves, etc, it makes those who are truly suffering extreme pain and dying of cancer look at the person with skepticism. Words are powerful. And when someone questions them, the reply is “Oh, I always smile even when in pain.”  When pain is the level like with those dying of cancer in agonizing pain, there is no smiling. I too am a smiling person but when pain reaches a certain level, I can not smile, laugh or joke. I become very quiet just trying to ride through it. I vomit from the pain, can not eat from the pain, can not take care of myself from the pain and need help to even get to the bathroom. Words are powerful but so are your actions and if your actions do not match your words, people will be skeptical.

We need more love, more compassion and care and less competing for the title of who has the worst pain. It is not often you all will see me talk of my pain on here because I prefer to just deal with it but when I do talk about it, it is to give an example of what I am trying to say not to complain about my pain. I prefer joy and happiness and love and compassion. I love things like my son who tells me “hugging thoughts” when he knows my pain is so high that I can barely stand my clothes touching me. I love watching and talking about happy things instead of spending my day talking about my health. But then again, I have that faith that I know I will not die a day sooner or a day later than is intended by God. My faith carries me through a lot.

My post with the pain scale chart:

https://workthedream.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/how-to-use-a-pain-scale-chart/

May 1, 2017 Posted by | Inspiration | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Religion

simply danLrenes opinion

I am a person of faith between me and my creator. I have said for a long time that I am not an advocate of organized religion for they become man-made organizations. If you read the gospels, you will find that Jesus did not send his disciples out to build big churches. He sent them out to spread the gospel and in turn create more disciples. He also warned his disciples going out not to call themselves Rabbi (or a title) for they were all “just brethren”.

I see so many churches with all these rules and regulations and talking about pastoral authority. But if you read Jesus words you will find that he says to not elevate themselves and that they are as low as the lowest person they talk to. I truly believe this is where man inserts themselves in the word of God when they make up all these rules and insist women are below man, etc. I have personal beliefs on what I do and do not accept or believe in but those are mine and it is not my job to force others to believe how I do..

Now, I go to a tiny church but I do not advocate all the things the pastor says because it goes against what I have learned. But, it is also part of enjoying fellowship with other believers. This little church is a tiny one room church. A lot of what we do is study the Bible which is what we are supposed to do. I do not call myself a Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, Catholic, etc. I just call myself a follower of Christ. I do not believe in forcing my beliefs on others and I do not believe in judging others. And I do not argue with people over “Religion”.  That to me is forcing “man’s view” on others. I would rather just tell them if they want to hear about how God has affected my life.

April 5, 2017 Posted by | Inspiration, Personal opinions | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Activist Or Stumbling Block

Activist or stumbling block? Which one are you? I have thought about this for a long time. I believe in being active in your beliefs, in peaceful marches, peaceful protests and everything else that is legal to try to make changes in our country. Sadly, a lot of what I see lately is just stumbling blocks and we need more than that for our country.

If you are going to protest, march, etc know why you are doing it, what you hope to accomplish, what do you have better to put in place. If someone just screams “do your job” over and over to stop any discussion then there is no thought to what they are doing. They have no better plan or any idea of what they are trying to accomplish.

As I have said before, I do not like parties and do not belong to either one. I am an American and I look at each politician individually and personally. I want to know what they voted for, what they have or have not done illegally and are they someone good for our country.  As we all should know for it has been in the news, people from all parties have done things that are not good. You can not just say you will vote straight down the line for one party. You may be putting someone in office that is very bad for our country.

If you have no plans of what would be better to put in place, if you have no direction and are just resisting to resist, then you are doing futile work. In fact, I will be so bold as to say that many of the ones doing all the fussing, arguing, resisting are accomplishing something that they do not want of the next election. They are turning people to the other side.

Really passionate activists know why they are protesting and it is not just because their party did not win. They know what they hope to accomplish, they know what and why they are resisting and they are not filled with hate and anger. I so wish some of these hate filled protestors, activists, marchers etc would take the time to sit quietly and research what they want, why they want it and what would be better. Then people might listen more.

April 2, 2017 Posted by | Personal opinions | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Missing Children

I am deeply concerned and saddened because every day I see on a page on FB that I follow called “Find the Missing”, children, mostly young girls between 11 and 17 who are missing. Some have run away thinking that they are smart enough to handle what may come and some abducted.

We all know there are pedophile rings out there and I have begun to believe they are working overtime to get these children. I recently watched on Dr. Phil his show on children being abducted by the sex trade. What this young girl told happened to her made me literally sick to my stomach. She was terrified Dr. Phil would send her back which of course he had no intentions of doing.

I believe that parents have got to teach their children the dangers out there in the world. Social media and fancy cell phones have made it easier and easier for children to be abducted. We as parents need to be moderating these phones, putting trackers on these phones and checking behind our kids. The world is no longer safe for people and especially for our children who are not old enough to see the danger in what they do.

We are not their “best friend” or their “buddy”. We are their parent and with that comes the responsibility to make sure our kids are safe, are taught well and have the tools to avoid some of these situations.

March 25, 2017 Posted by | Personal opinions | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hate Destroying Our Country

I have seen so much hatred, so much desire to want to destroy our government and our country and so much ugliness and it makes me very sad.

IF and I say IF our country gets destroyed, it will not be by Republican or Democrats. It will be from hate. Hate is such a destructive emotion and damages not only those around someone who is filled with hate but also destroys the very heart of the person hating.

People who are consumed with hate lose perspective. They lose the ability to reason rationally and do things that jeopardize not only themselves but their jobs. They say and do things because they want to get even with whomever they are hating.

Those hating are trying to stop people from having their own opinions. If you do not agree, you get called names like racist, etc. Those hating lose sight of the fact that our country is based on freedom and I totally support peaceful protests, peaceful marches, and other ways of peacefully getting their opinion across. But I do not condone those who destroy businesses, homes, cars, injure other people and spew hatred at them.

I believe we start where we are at trying to bring peace and reason to our little corner of the world. I do not have to agree with you for us to be friends. I just have to treat you with kindness. Someone who has a different opinion than me does not destroy my opinion. It does not threaten it. So, why would I need to react with such hatred?

I know there are many out there who feel like I do and do not want hatred to destroy our country or even the world. People just have to recognize what hatred is doing.

March 24, 2017 Posted by | Personal opinions | , , , , , | Leave a comment

   

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