This blog has been on my heart for a good while. I know some parents will get huffy and tell me they know everything their child does but I can assure parents as a former teacher that parents do not know everything their child says and does. I heard more about the parents of my children I taught than I cared to know. Having said that, I ask you all please take the time to read this fully and then just think about it for this is serious. Before I start, here are some definitions for you if you are not aware of vlogging.
vlogger: A person(s) that videos their life daily and posts it on Youtube for the world to see.
Vlog: The video that is created to post online. It gets its name from “blog” someone who writes daily for others to read only this is a video blog hence vlog.
Tween: A child nearing puberty usually defined as being 9, 10, 11 or 12 years old.
I love to watch family vlogs on Youtube. One of the downsides is that many, many tweens and young teens that are allowed to have channels to watch these vlogs are acting in ways that I think any parent would be embarrassed about. Not only do many attack others in the comment section, make ugly remarks and try to tear down some of the people vlogging their lives and their babies, they use profanity, gang up with a couple of other friends and even slander the families reputation usually out of jealous because the family or person vlogging has made money and gets to buy do things these children can not. Many vloggers do this as a career and work from home. The idea of being anonymous on the internet gives many including adults the idea they can say and do what they want but it is especially sad to see this from children.
There are a lot of “I am a teen mother” or “I am a teen and pregnant” type vlogs on these channels and also young adult single mothers who had a baby or are having their second and third baby from different boyfriends. Yes, there are some really good channels/vloggers that are just sharing their life with others and sharing the birth of their child and them growing up. I worry about which ones the tweens/teens are chosing as role models. And to be honest, are some vloggers that need to be on X rated channels that teens follow. I love the good family ones but my worry is that tweens/teens are getting so wrapped up in the baby ones that they have lost any interest in finishing school.
I have read some of the tweens/teens saying they can not wait to get pregnant and start vlogging to make money instead of going to school. I have seen them pretend to be a young mother or pregnant and talk about pregnancy, nursing or newborn things as if they were doing them only their comments sounds like they read it off a google search. And when you go look at their channel, all their friends look the tween or young teen age so you know they are too. It actually encourages them to get pregnant when so young..And there is no encouragement to go on to school and get an education.
I think what worries me the most as a former teacher is that the tweens and the young teens are carrying their smart phones to school and some are actually bragging about skipping classes or pretending to have to go to the bathroom so they can watch their favorite vloggers’ videos. They are getting up in the middle of the night to watch them and even brag about not doing their homework so they can watch them. It has become an obsession to them.
Some of the family vloggers are aware that so many tweens and young teens are flooding their channels and are very careful to not do things to encourage these kids in the wrong direction. But many are not as cautious about influencing tween/teen fans and have a huge fan base and simply only care about the number.
Most of these young people are young girls who instead of out being normal kids are watching hours and hours of vloggers channels. This is their virtual reality. They think that having children is easy to do and are so caught up in the money that is paid these vloggers and the freedom to not have to “work” or “go to school” that they want to do the same thing. And to give you an idea, some of these teenage pregnancy vloggers and young parent vloggers have a fan base from 35,000 to over 300,000 and some over a million fans. While it is good for the vloggers, is it good for our kids?
When this first started I began to realize just how many of our tween/teen population was on these vlogs watching them and commenting, I started checking out other family baby vloggers to see what was going on. I discovered that this trend is all over the world from just about every country. Some tween/young teens brag about how when their parents come around they just show them the cute videos of the kids but not all the videos. It is their secret world and they are very careful to hide what they do not want you to see.
If your child is one that watches family vloggers, please look at your child’s channel. Then if you casually ask to see the videos or their favorite video family, just let them show you but later go look up the family vlogger channel yourself and start looking through all the videos and reading comments. Also know that many of them have multiple accounts under different names so if they get blocked by a channel, they can come back with another account.
I find it very upsetting that young teens who have gotten pregnant on purpose so they could put up videos to make money and people in their upper twenties and thirties talking like some teenager using the slang so they attract them more are influencing the children today. Many people thought rock and roll was a bad influence on kids, this relatively new phenomena of “pregnancy and raising baby” vlogging is something many kids are watching hours in each day. To give an example, a vlog (video) can be anywhere from ten minutes to thirty minutes and most people have ten, and even twenty or more favorite vloggers that they watch daily. New videos are put up daily by most of the vloggers. That is a lot of hours put into watching these videos daily by children who should be in school and studying.
I learned a lot just watching and reading comments on vlog after vlog after vlog to see if this was just one vlog that tweens were on or multiple.When I posted one time that I wished Youtube would quit allowing tweens on there, a tween responded in a not very nice way that 99 percent of those watching are tweens and all the revenue would go. Although I knew this person was just using a number, I also knew they were pretty right in that a HUGE number of tweens/teens are watching and commenting on these videos. And let me tell you the names I got called, the nastiness and put downs was something I did not expect from an 11-year-old.
Please do not misunderstand me. There are a lot of really good family vloggers that I really like and would not mind a child watching. But there are also many that do not care what they put on and influence the tween/teen population in ways that I never realized until recently. It is not the good vloggers that I am concerned about. It is all the tweens and teens…hundreds of thousands…that are watching ones that are not good role models that I worry about. And the ones that are behaving in ways that I was totally shocked at on these vlogs such as the hate and bashing and wanting to get pregnant and quit school so they can vlog.
So my question is for parents, do you really know how your child is acting on the internet and the things they are posting? Do you know how much time they are spending and the role models they are following? Do you know if your child is trying to emulate the wrong kind of role model or is wanting to get pregnant so they can make money and quit school? If you really do, I say kudos for being very attentive parenting. Smart phones and tablets, etc are great for keeping the kids occupied but my concern is just what is occupying them especially after learning that this is kids from all over the world….a future generation who does not want to go to school and wants to get pregnant while still a child themselves. And I am sure I made some people mad writing about this, but my heart felt it was important enough to speak on.
I think we all grew up hearing the quote “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” The quote is talking about how people are never content with what they have. They are always wanting what someone else has. And yes, when they get it, the grass still looks greener to them on the other side of the fence…and often looking back at what they had before they jumped the fence, they discover that what their life is not a bad as they thought..A friend of mine says that when you do not like the view….change your focus. Look towards better things.
image from queenrella.wordpress.com
Some people can spend so much time yearning for a life (the other side of the fence) that they fail to see what is good in their own lives. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence because those people are fertilizing their lives. They are doing things to make their lives better instead of gazing at another person’s life and wishing they had it. I could wish for another person’s life but in reality, in spite of my health….I have fertilized my life and it is a very happy life. As I lay here in the dark, I think about dreams and about those whose only dream is to get money. I find that sad. Son and I are poor in finances but boy are we rich in what counts….love, laughter, joy and the Lord.
“If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can not buy.”
My godfather told me a story once about a man who was always complaining to God that it was not fair that he had to carry the burdens he did when others seemed to have it so easy. He wanted the burdens of this other person for the other person always seemed to be so happy. So, God told him that he would let him look at all the burdens of the people around him and try them on and pick which one he wanted. The man picked this other person’s burdens because that person seemed so happy and was always smiling but when the man put the burdens on his back, he started screaming in agony “Take it off! Take it off. It is too heavy. Oh no, I do not want that one.” The man continued trying on the burdens until finally he picked up the last bag of burdens and said…”I will take this one. It is not near as heavy as all those others”. He asked God whose burdens he had on his back for he was sure it was the rich man on the hill who seemed to have such a life of ease. God told him that he had picked back up his own burdens and put them on his back.
If you don’t like what you see….then change your focus.
I believe a big part of dealing with life is your attitude. I think some people want the world to see every misery in their lives and others want to show all the sunshine. I am a sunshine person. When I had to walk with forearm crutches I did not want people to see the down side of the forearm crutches so I put jewels all over them and music notes to remind me to keep dancing through life. It is all in how you view things.
Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. ~Roger Miller
I got the story below in email from a friend. It said that no one knew who originated the story but it is so good and it just ties right in with what my head was stumbling around wanting to talk about. Only , the ironic thing is…I did not get the same ending as the nurse.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window.The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.Although the other man could not hear the band – he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed. It faced a blank wall.. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.
What I got from this story was that the blind man had learned to fertilize his own life and make it beautiful and greener and he was sharing it with the man on the bed. And the man on the bed was laying there wishing he could see what the other man could and saw “the grass is greener on the other side”.
I have people ask me how I stand not being able to do things and my reply is “Oh, but I can. I sky dive, I climb mountains, I swim rivers, I see wild animals, I run marathons, I dance around the room, I lay by gentle streams, I talk to friends, I dream of beautiful things. The mind is a wonderful thing and if we fill it with wonderful memories and thoughts, we can do anything. I am the best bed dancer around.
No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life
within the confines of your head.
I think that if we fine tune our senses, imprint life in our mind, then not only do we live life….then we consume it like one would a fancy dinner…bite after bite.
Anais Nin said: “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in restrospection”
We live through things the first time and then each time we replay it in our heads, we get to live it again. Some times like for me the trip to Italy years ago will be relived over and over for it was so beautiful. Sometimes, it is painful things we play over and over in our heads forcing ourselves to relive things that hurt us. We have to control the dial of our memories. Sometimes life is just meant to be felt and the more we feel it…the more we fertilize our own grass.
“Everything in life is temporary. So, if things are going good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. And if things are going bad, don’t worry. It can’t last forever either.”
To fertilize your own life, live it as if you were dying for then you will treasure every minute you have and you will look for every bit of joy you can find. You will tell all you love how much you love them and cherish the moments you have with them no matter how brief. Every day that you live wishing your life were different, you are missing the beauty of your own life.
I read a statement today that struck a chord with me. It was on the Livestrong site and had to do with patience but I think it has to do with emotions and life itself. The statement was “having just the right amount of patience” and was in reference to waiting on cures in cancer and treatments and realizing that some patience was called for. Life is full of trials, tribulations, joys, sickness, wellness, love, happiness but in order for us to have that full life we seek, it needs to come in “just the right amount”.
I think that statement “the right amount of” can apply to our emotions and even things we do in life. Anger is acceptable if you have the right amount of anger but if it is over the top, then it becomes destructive. This is just like what we are seeing in our world today. Some people have lost control of their emotional monitor and it has taken total control of their lives. Every thing they see and do is in anger and frothing at the mouth in hatred. When it consumes our lives…it is not the right amount.
A lot of the harder emotions we have to learn when is it too much and when do we need to do something about it. Sadness is a normal emotion but when it consumes our lives, then something is out of balance. This is the same as when we get consumed with grief and do not work through the grief and are still carrying it years later and crying and finding no joy in life. When we lose someone, we will feel the loss the rest of our lives but when we are so caught up in the loss that we can not enjoy life, then something is out of kilter.0
Some emotions and other things in life are like thieves in the night and rob us of the joy that is ours to behold in life when the emotions get too out of control. I think sometimes people take these emotions and nurse them and nurture them because they are afraid to let go of them as if something must be wrong if they do not feel sadness or grief forever. And so they are afraid to allow joy and happiness in for then that means they did not care enough about the person that passed away or is gone. Some people feel that they are never supposed to feel happiness again after the loss of someone and deny it in their lives and that is simply not true. If you allow grief to work through you, the joyful moments will come again. It is when you stop yourself in the grief process that you stagnate into a pool of nothing but sadness and grief. And knowing what the right amount is I believe comes when we look to see how much of these things consume our lives and steal our happiness.
All of life is like a recipe and we need all the right ingredients. Yes, some sadness, some anger, some joy, some pride, some pain, some strength, some money, some food, some sleep, etc but all in the right amount. Sometimes things get out of whack and the recipe is messed up. But, it is still our choice on how we handle it. If we feel too much sadness all the time, then we need to find out why and we do something about it. If grief has consumed our lives and we are still crying years later, then we make ourselves go back and work through the grief. If we are consumed with anger, then we figure out why and make ourselves use anger to accomplish something not as a run away train that demolishes and damages all around us.
I have found that even love needs to be just the right amount. If we love someone so much that we sacrifice ourselves and lose ourselves, then it is not the right amount. Love should include ourselves and when we make someone our sole life, we will be disappointed because we expect the same love in return and that does not always happen. People love in different ways. I have heard people say this below and that is a sign that the loving the person is doing is too much on one person and not enough on the other and themselves. It needs to be the right recipe.
Pride has to come in the right amount too. Too much pride and we will fall. But we must have what I call self-pride which is pride in yourself enough to be honest, moral and ethical. Self pride is in handling oneself with respect and not doing things that make yourself look bad. But it too must be just the right amount.
How is your life going and do you have just the right amount? Is anything taking over your life until the happiness has seemed to disappear? Is anger, sadness, etc dominating your life? We all have those times where we find ourselves off course, but what is important is what we do to get back on course.
image from worldlyminds.com
Anyone that reads my blog knows that I have some serious health issues I deal with. The past seven months has been a time of great struggle for me because not only do I have my illnesses and conditions resulting from those illnesses to deal with but my spine became so severe back at the end of December that walking became and now is impossible and the pain has been so strong it is like having a train blow its horn right beside me.
I am trying to keep up with my blogs but to be honest, some days that seems like an impossibility. It is very hard to have coherent thoughts when the pain is so severe that even with pain management and medications, I lay here with tears running down my face that I can not stop because the pain is shrieking. So, I spend a lot of my time finding that one spot….that one place within and without where I can get relief from the pain in small amounts and just “be”.
I have dealt with pain…severe pain…for so many years that my doctors are amazed that I handle it so well. I have learned to deal with the constant, high pain and live with a certain amount of pain that pain medications and having multiple procedures like Radio Frequency Ablation do not relieve. I am going to insert the link to my blog on how to rate your pain below for I feel it might help those that deal with chronic pain in talking with their own doctors. This blog link below is my most read blog of all which tells me many in this world suffer with pain.
Pain impacts our lives in ways that people who have a backache, migraine, etc every so often do not understand. Those are severe enough pain alone that a person must live with.Chronic “High” pain is not the same thing as even having a broken bone for those that can be immobilized and eventually heal. Even people with severe migraines ….eventually the medicine helps or the migraine ends. The kind of chronic high pain that I deal with never heals, never goes away or down below a level of 6 which is listed on the pain chart in my blog post above as “Intense” and interfering with your life” and my pain lately usually hovers around a pain level of 7 and sometimes an 8 even with medication.
And so lately, I spend my time laying flat on my back in this hospital bed just trying to ride through it as much as possible. I was asked why I did not just have surgery. The truth is I am listed as someone who is not a good candidate for surgery and extremely high risk. It may come to the point I say do the surgery anyway and I will take the high risk of dying. But right now, I still want to live and be here. The past few weeks have been arduous trips an hour and some more than an hour one way to doctors for visits, medical procedures at the hospital or tests. This is when I still dream of having that mini bus where a bed can be built into the back to transport me with less pain.
And so I ask you all to be bear with me. Please do not give up on me writing for there are actually moments where I can put my thoughts together in my own fashion for you all to read. Each step in this journey of intense pain requires me to adjust in some fashion so that I can find that little bit of balance to help me write once again. I thank you all who have remained with me on my journey for your clicks of “like” or your comments whether public or behind the scenes inspire me to keep going…to keep fighting. I learned a long time ago that while this can be a very lonely journey, that if I allow myself to connect to the internet by writing blogs or my little time on Facebook gives me the feeling that so many of you are right here talking to me.
image from www.writeforapples.com
TINY FLICKER IN THE DARK
The world spinning, me still laying here
black clouds rolling so very, very near
The monster of fire, sweat drops on head
avalanches of snow piling on my bed
explosions of thunder and daggars in the sky
a concert of pain forces me to comply
The thief in the night creeps in like the fog
devours all my light like a voracious dog
cannot live in the dark, my spirit cries in vain
darkness is a big pit, I speak to explain
Darkness the cloak that hides life away
destroys all hope to live another day
The irony is realizing I hold the only key
a tiny flicker of light that no one can see
That flicker in the dark shines across the miles
That thing called hope that allows all my smiles
What better day to talk about freedom than the fourth of July…….a day in our history that marks independence. For our country, it was independence from religious persecution, taxes, etc and the freedom to govern ourselves. It is the day many years ago that we as a country “declared our independence”. And it is a reminder of all those in our country who have fought to keep those freedoms alive and who have given of their hearts, minds, bodies and even their lives. I am so thankful for our men and women who have chosen to help guard our freedoms and the freedoms of others. I pray our Creator..our Lord…blesses them all mightily. And that is my faith and belief and does not have to be yours.
image from montney.com
To some, the fourth of July is just a time to be off work, have BBQ and see fireworks and the real reason behind it becomes lost in all the celebrating. Freedom….oh what a precious thing we have and yet, it is often taken for granted. The mere fact that we can have cookouts and fireworks and can gather where ever we want to celebrate speaks of freedom.And even more so, our freedoms include being able to marry whomever we want, work whatever job and where we want, to own homes, to have children, to read books, to have freedom of speech, to read newspapers, to go to whatever church we want, and more. All of these freedoms come on the backs of those men and women who have sacrificed themselves and sometimes their lives to preserve that freedom. And I wish people could finally realize that just because I believe one way and you another does not make either one of us right or wrong. It is simply my belief and yours. We do not have to destroy another person’s beliefs just because they do not correspond with ours.
The words “Declaration of Independence” mean so much and yet, the event that precipitated our celebrating the fourth..the signing of the Declaration of Independence gets lost on people today and they have no idea what signing the Declaration of Independence has meant for all of us. We “declared” our independence from oppression: freedom from being owned by another country and being taxed to death after fighting the Revolutionary War. We fought the Civil War because of the taxation the North (Industry) wanted to impose on us. Good things came from both wars and that is called freedom.
People declare their independence in many ways. I declare mine every day that I get up out of this hospital bed and sit in my power chair and declare that I am independent of this hospital bed. I declare my freedom when I make a conscious effort to be honest and ethical and to be free from lies and manipulations. I declare my independence when I go to the church I want to go to and believe how I want. Others declare their independence when they leave jobs that have mired them down in misery. And still others declare their independence when they leave marriages that should never have been formed and move on in their lives. Declarations of independence happen daily. Each of us has our own declarations of independence but we need to remember we are a country founded on “Freedom” and so you do not have to destroy my beliefs and I do not have to destroy yours in order for you to be free or me to be free. We can each believe in our own way. Choosing to be free should not something done to hurt another person or group of people.
Independence comes in many forms and it is sad that the very country that gives so many their freedoms, people want to tear apart, denigrate, and shout to the world every dislike they have of the country that gives them the freedom to do just that. I remember a quote that says “If you can not be part of the solution, please do not be part of the problem” and that is what I see when I see so many complaining and wanting to attack or control others. They do not care the harm that their words do for they are not trying to heal the country but to further tear it apart because of a misguided notion that freedom of speech means saying anything you want to anyone you want without regard to consequences. Freedom comes with a price just as freedom of speech does.
Some people create their own oppressions with lies and lack of integrity. Those lies, manipulations and lack of integrity means that they will spend their lives looking over their shoulders wondering if this is the day people learn the truth about them. Is this the day someone reveals them as they are and destroys their illusion they have created of being a victim, or burdened down or needing help or even the illusion of being honest and ethical when they are not?
Freedom should include being yourself and when you are yourself and are honest and filled with integrity then you have declared your own independence from lies and manipulation. Every action we make is followed by consequences. It is the ripple effect and if those actions are not ones of freedom from lies and manipulations, then the result can be loss of people who really loved us to loss of respect. To some, that means nothing but to others, it will one day mean the world. That is oppression we have created for ourselves. We can make a stand for independence when we decide to be accountable for our words and actions. We are the only one responsible for what we say and do.
Independence or freedom is more than just declaring we are no longer owned by another country or by other people. It is a state of mind. We create our own freedoms in life just as we create within us our own happiness. We either oppress ourselves by becoming slaves to history, to things, to fashion, to peer pressure and even to our own emotions or we declare our freedom and our independence and we just “be ourselves”…the real us. We create our freedoms and declare our selves independent by not letting ourselves be caught up in bigotry and prejudice, by not letting money rule our lives, by not letting disabilities or illnesses keep us from being happy, by learning how to take care of ourselves and not depending on others, by being honest and ethical, by making decisions for ourselves and the list goes on. Independence comes in every step of our lives and in all the decisions we make.
Just as surely as the mustang ran free in our country, freedom is a part of our daily lives no matter where we live. Even when we live in restricted areas, we can still have freedom of heart and the freedom to be happy. Freedom does NOT mean squashing others to make us feel better. It means embracing the meaning of freedom and respect for others.
image from horsechannel.com
While we celebrate the fourth of July…what independence are you celebrating today?
As I lay in the dark in the early morning hours just thinking, this question came to mind. “Can you define or describe yourself without using labels that divide us?” This question comes from all the division we have in our country and the world. Certain words are descriptive without division such as “I am a loving person” but some words isolate segments of society and create a greater division between us as we have seen recently. The sad thing is the labels do not define who we are.
By labels, I mean labels such as we see on government documents that we must fill out and other labels that are used to promote division. This does not mean we should not be proud of who we are, it simply means that when we divide ourselves by labels especially in a country that is supposed to be the melting pot, then our unity is not very strong. Being disabled does not define the person I am.
The labels I am talking about are things like race, religious or nonreligious beliefs, sex, sexual preference, size of a person’s body, abilities or disabilities (such as disabled, chronically ill, healthy), Looks (as in beautiful, ugly, etc), marital status, money status, political party, Job, Country (as in saying I am an American, Italian, Australian), etc.We see a lot of division right now in our country with labels even down to labels from the past wars.
Labels belong on food containers to tell us what is in the food. What we believe of ourselves by these labels like above can hold us back from being all we can be for a couple of reasons. One reason is that with labels, someone will always proclaim their label is better, or some will say this label is bad and so the division widens. And some people may believe the label put on them. I saw this with teaching when we got our new kids for the year and there were labels of all sorts in their files. I remember one child who was labeled as “slow” and as I worked with this child, I discovered he was not slow. He simply could not hear.
I tell people all the time that my name is not “Disabled”. I identify myself with the words a quirky, funny, eclectic, happy, compassionate, caring, slow to anger, a hippy, country girl and most of all a God-loving person. I am strong, enduring, hard-working and creative. Can you describe yourself or define yourself without using labels?
I am sure some of you are scratching your heads and wondering where this woman is going with this title. In a time in our world where being dishonest, lying, stealing, and other atrocities are on the rise, character seems to be sliding to the way side. I love this quote below because it explains what character is.
image from positiveoutlooksblog.com
To me, character is the core of us. It is a person being honorable, true, honest, moral both mentally and physically, caring, compassionate and does the right thing even when no one is looking. It is not something we come with as we enter this world, it is something we build in ourselves. And it can be lost easily.
image from www.pinterest.com
It is hard today to really know who has good character and who does not. This is why I say wear your character like you wear your clothes…..on the outside and turned right side out and not hidden under layers. Often people show a side of themselves that they think others want to see, or that will give them the results they want. But, it is not their real character
And I realize that those that already have good character will have no problem with what I am saying because they already do that. I am just hoping that some people who put on this mask of being so good, so honest and moral only to accomplish an end, will realize that once you do that and someone finds out differently, you have lost a great deal.
image from mylittlereviewcorner.wordpress.com
Your character is up to you. No one can create it for you and only you can change it if it needs changing. If you have good values and character, wear it on the outside where the world can see it. Do not be like the Emperor in “The Emperor’s New Clothes” and walk around thinking you are fooling the world because the world will see through you. Always be authentic and real, be honest and good and treat people with kindness. Own your character and wear it on the outside with pride and if you are ashamed to show your true character, if you have to hide what you do or really believe…then maybe you need to reassess your character and see if it is character that is worthy to be shown.
image from www.barnesandnoble.com
I can remember a time many years ago when I was afraid to dream. I was afraid it would never come true. I was afraid that something bad would go wrong. I was afraid I would make a bad choice or decision. I was afraid of what people would say. I was afraid I would lose everything I owned. And then one day, my health plummeted and I almost died. And it was then I realized that none of the things above mattered even if I lost everything. They are just things and can be replaced. And I realized that if I never stepped out of that safe spot I kept myself in, I would never experience anything. What kind of life is that where you go through life never experiencing anything you dream of….just living and being safe. We have each been given talents and abilities and we can either live safely or we can use those abilities to grow and work to achieve our dreams honestly and ethically. But, I do believe we are expected to use our talents.
We each have talents and abilities. Along with those we each have dreams. We can live safely, neither increasing our talents or abilities nor increasing our chances of having our dreams come true or we can step out on faith and do our part. For my son and I that meant setting up a plan and working the dream to move out here.
Flying outside the box and being free takes courage. Sometimes that first step to go outside the box and work for your dreams is the hardest. It takes commitment and it takes being honest and ethical in all that you do. To really enjoy the feeling that comes when a dream is reached is amazing. And to know that you did it honestly and that you did your all to help make the dream come true and were willing to step outside the box to do it is even more amazing. Son and I would never have made it to Colorado had we not been willing to step out on faith. And believe me when I say, it takes courage to load all you have into U-haul trucks and head out across the country.
Flying outside the box, no matter why you do it is scary. But, you can do it. It comes down to deciding what is most important to you. Like I tell people all the time, if you are not willing to take the chance and do the work, then one should not complain that their dream did not come true. There is a feeling of exhilaration that comes when you decide to fly outside the box that is closely akin to flying. It is such a wonderful feeling and when that dream hits and you know you have done your all, it is the ultimate dream come true even if you only get a piece of your dream.
You can stay at the bottom of the mountain. You can hide your talent or bury it in the back yard and never do your part and that is where you will always be. Or you can fly outside that box, do things with honor and integrity and have the dream of a lifetime. There will always be mountains to climb…the important thing is how you climb. Are you going to stay in the box safe? Or are you gonna fly outside the box and feel the wind in your sails and reach for that dream? It is all about the climb and what you decide to do.
video by The Voice Kids
I think it probably took my health becoming bad to make me realize that I can not hold on to the past nor can I base my life on the future. The present is all I have. I have been around people who just can not seem to let go of the past, what was said, what was done, what was lost and it consumes their life. The one thing I have learned is that you can never change the past. It is over and done. So trying to keep the past in the present is only affecting our living…our life now.
“The Past is dead. It is over. It is done. You can not change it.”
So, if this is true and it is, then would not holding on to things from the past that upset you, that hurt you be a futile action? It is keeping alive something that is harmful but that you can not change. All it does is keep alive memories of hurt or anger or sadness or grief. And every minute that we do that is a minute we waste being happy and living our lives as intended…joyously.
I call the troublesome things from the past that keep cropping up and we play them over and over in our heads the race track syndrome. The thoughts ace around and around in our heads and while those negative thoughts of what someone said or did to us, or a hurt or a loss are playing in our heads, we have lost the ability to live our present life.
image from finlaydonald.blogspot.com
There is a saying “toxic thoughts equal a toxic life” and I believe that is true. As long as we hold on to anger, hate, malice, extreme sadness and grief, we are keeping the negative atmosphere in our lives and our lives become those emotions.
I have been around people who would be so angry over something someone said or did to them that all they did was fume and spew anger about this person. She lived in that toxic energy and would talk about all the things she would like to do to them or all the things she hoped would happen to them. The past is dead. We can not change it and all people who hold on to these emotions are changing their present and most likely their future.
It is hard when someone upsets us to let it go but we can choose. Oops, there goes that choice word again. It is a choice to hold on to these negative things and it is a choice to let go and forgive and move on. Forgiveness is for us most of the time so we can move on. I have found myself in the past where something hurt me so much that all I could do was lay there and cry. My solution to get rid of this feeling was to write, I would write my pain out and put down what happened and then I would burn it.
image from knowgodknowlove.wordpress.com
It took me a few days and after writing it and burning it several times, it began to lose the effect on me. I think this is because I was taking it out of my head and putting it on the paper and once I get something on the outside, it loses power. It is when we keep it inside and nurture the negatives feelings and replay them over and over and over in our heads that they become so toxic that it affects not only our emotions but our physical health.
Choose to live not to hold on to the past. Choose to forgive for that is one of the most healing things you can do for yourself. Choose to stop blaming your past for your problems. Choose to keep the past in the past and live the present.
You can do it. You deserve to have joy in your life, not negativity.