You all have heard me say that victims only talk about all the things wrong and all the problems. Survivors know the things wrong and they look for solutions to help make things better. So, my question today as I look around the internet and I see massive amounts of media posting the most ugly, negative post you can about cops, about politicians, about people in general is where are the warriors?
I can tell you a few of them for I see them. There are Black cops who are trying to reach the ones that are hating, fighting and creating more problems and help calm the storm. Nothing good comes from such agitation. There are other people out there of all races who are striving to calm the storm so that we can all listen and come to conclusions. There are cops all over who are trying to help those that are in such need and trying to show the love and compassion we want from our law enforcement. There are teachers who are taking training trying to understand better how to have discussion on this to find solutions to bring unity to us all.
And then I see those that want to argue on every positive post and make comments that are negative or to try to prove their point that either this side or that side is bad. We do not need to prove. We need to find solutions to help everyone be the person they can be to the fullest. How is it helping the situation for White people who think they are “helping” to keep posting stories about how this cop or that cop was evil or did something bad? Why not post things that are positive that people are trying to do to heal the broken trust, to do good and to make the relationship better on both sides?
I watched as angry White people threw in the face of angry Black people how their own people sold them as slaves. I just felt my jaw drop and I had to write on that thread…”So, your point is what? That because some Blacks in Africa sold their own for money then it is alright? Wrong is wrong people. And slavery was wrong. I am so ashamed our country did that and that any country does it.But the wrong does have ramifications.
And then I heard angry Black people throw in the faces of angry White people how all Cops and all White people are nothing but killers and racists. Seriously folks, how is this helping? All Whites are not racist and killers and all Blacks are not thugs and criminals. Can we stop the blame game and move on to the healing that needs to be done. Are there bad Cops? Yes. Are there Black people who have done bad things? Yes, just as there are of any race. We acknowledge that so can we now work on solutions? That means people of each race trying to calm their own so that people can talk and can learn and not be so filled with hate at each other.
Just a thought….we do not have to tell all the bad stories about Cops or White people to solve the problems. Now do we have to tell all the bad stories about blacks who committed crimes or did this or that. We need warrior attitude which is find solutions for the problems and promote the positive that IS going on with both sides. Remember my saying….Victims focus on all the things wrong and that is all they talk about. Survivors know the things wrong and they focus and talk about ways to make things better. All Whites are not racist nor haters and all Blacks are not thugs and criminals. Only a small portion of our country is that way. Those of us that want to change things are tired of the media and of people presenting everything they “heard” that is bad about Whites or about Blacks. We can not have any form of healing if all we do is focus on the problems and never work on solutions. Negativity, hatred and racism just produce more negativity, hatred and racism.
How about we produce positive things going on like the boy I posted about who was living in a tent so he could go to college because he wanted to make his life better and the cops helped him. That was a two-way street. This young man was polite, he did not fight, he did not argue and the cops actually sat down and listened to what was going on and found a way to help him. Now that my friends is promoting unity in our country.
Maybe if you are one of those so angry from either side, the next time you feel like spewing hater or telling the world once again all the bad things Cops did or all the bad things Blacks did or all the bad things White people did, you take a time out. Go sit down somewhere and think about the good things any of these people have done and write them down. Look for the good and you will find it and promote the good. We can not always control what happens to us in life but we CAN control how we react to it. If we only think about the bad things and we only look for bad things, that is all we will see. Like a camera, maybe we should change our focus and turn our lens to the good things.
This poem is one of my favorites. It was written about children but I think it applies to adults too. It is called “Children Learn What They Live”. As you read it, I want to ask you to read it in the context of what have you been teaching people about themselves? Have we been teaching people to hate or to fear or to think they are no good? Just think about it as you read this and only you can answer that within your heart. It has made me more conscious of what I say to others for this is no dress rehearsal. We get one chance in this world and I want my chance to be one where I uplift others and love others.
Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte
Video of the boy who rode his brother’s bike six miles and was sleeping in a tent so that he could enter college and what happened. Awesome story: http://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/homeless-teen-bikes-6-hours-to-get-to-college-sleeps-in-tent/401160413?ea2CcF
I have had an extremely hard time writing lately. This is going to be rambling rose here as I try to work through all of this. I have people tell me how strong I am and I am especially when it comes to dealing with all the health issues. But lately, I have been a gardenia. And for those that do not know what that means, a gardenia is a delicate flower and if you touch it, it bruises. I can handle most anything anymore but what has made my heart heavy is all the hate, anger, violence that we see on the media, in politics, in the country here and everywhere. It is bad enough we are warring with other countries but we have warred within ourselves here in our own country. And that to me is beyond sad for a country divided will fall. So, get your coffee or coke, pull up a chair and listen to me ramble here.
I have written some in the past like on the shooting in Orlando and other places and the shootings the past few days have really saddened my heart. Why, oh why can people not just show compassion and love. There are parents and family members who lost their loved ones that are crying and grieving. Are we incapable of feeling compassion for that? No matter the reason the killings are a tragedy that has affected many, and I cautioned many against making early judgments about what happened in those two shootings for one reason. That reason was that when you get so angry that you start making statements that include with anger the words “All”, “Every”, and “Never”, you are fueling your anger and sparking this kind of anger in others. Nothing is “all”. All cops are not bad. All Blacks are not thugs. All whites are not racist. See my point here? Anger can be a good thing. It is what you do with that anger that matters. Dallas is a good example of that with 5 dead White policemen.
I am going to delve into something laying on my heart and I ask a couple of things of everyone who chooses to comment on here. The first is please be respectful. We do not all have to agree but we can all be respectful. I do have and have always had my comments on “approval” basis to keep ugliness off as I wanted my blog to be a place where you could discuss without fear of being attacked. So, please no hate, no name calling, no pulling politics in, and no racism or your comment will not be approved. I do not mind disagreeing with me just no hate. Thanks.
First let me say that I can understand the anger that is being felt right now by the deaths…unnecessary deaths of two Black men. I think besides the deaths, the part that makes me the angriest is that I feel like the media fuels this anger and it then creates more things like the violent protests, destruction and more deaths. Gone are the days where the media was the watch dog and were not biased in their reporting. There was no emotionalism like there is today and emotionalism is solely to sell the stories. With what the media has posted, it has fueled the Black community and many whites even more. When there is injustice, we need people who are willing to work for solutions not create more chaos. And I feel my Black friend’s pain and the pain of the Black Community. We are more racially divided than we have been in years and that is sad.
Now, I know because I have had some say it to me in the past, that Blacks need to stop saying they need an apology for slavery and oppression because no one today was even alive during that time. And that is true. But you know what? How hard is it to say “I am so sorry that your ancestors were brought over here as slaves and mistreated and abused and their lives stolen.” We do not have to have been alive when slavery happened to be sorry that it ever happened. I certainly am sorry it ever happened especially from a country of people who came here for freedom and then they turn around and bring slaves over and they do things like push the Native Americans onto reservations, and try to take their identity by forcing them to never speak their native tongue (and I am talking both Blacks and Native Americans here), refused to let them use their native names and gave them new names….white names and mistreated many people along the way.
I grew up during segregation and integration times. I remember the police and how people treated them. I remember the signs “no colored allowed” and I remember the white and black water fountains. I remember the first Black child that was made to come to our school when integration started and how people treated her. And all I could think was how scared she must be. And there was always this part of me that could not understand what all the ugliness was about. If you cut a Black person and a White person they both bleed red. We are all humans who just happen to have different colored skin.
And the past couple of years I have felt like I was back in that time when I see all the hate and anger on both sides and see people fighting over flags, statues and the like. And the name calling is horrific and it is not limited to just racial issues. It is in politics, in the news comments, and just about everywhere else you look. Where has respect gone? Where has compassion gone? Where has love gone?
Now, I do believe that you do not hide history. Hiding history does not remove the blaring stain. We need to learn from history. We can not pretend that certain things never happened. We need to learn how to do better from the past. What is that old saying “Hind sight is 20/20″ and it is. We should be able to look back at how things have gone and see where we as a country went wrong. I can remember thinking about people one day as I was reading on slavery and on the Native Americans and other races that struggled here…”Who the hell did we think we were?” People come here for freedom and look what happens.
See, I can not tell you how it feels to be Black, to have to worry every time you go out if you are going to be stopped, to wonder every time you hear of a shooting was it one of your family. I can tell you how it feels to be disabled and be discriminated against and mistreated for that has been my life.
So, where do we go from here? We can not fix anything until we admit there is a problem and most people refuse to do that. Things are said like go back to where you came from to people born and raised here who are just as much American as I am. We have to learn to first hold the anger and not let it lead us into things that are violent. We have to learn to listen to each other and to quit hating. Hatred, racism, anger…those are things we are not born with. We are taught them. Love is also something that is taught and yet I see more hatred, racism, anger taught to our young kids than love, compassion and understanding. I had older family members that used racist terms and I worked hard to not teach that to my sons but to teach them acceptance and compassion for others.And I am proud of both of my sons. They treat everyone with respect and caring.
We have to turn the tide. We need to find ways to work for solutions. Now, what I am about to say may make some mad but I believe survivors look for solutions and those that want to remain a victim only talk about the problems. The fact that there was slavery in this country or anywhere is to me a dark spot on our history. It is a fact of history. But we can not use slavery as an excuse to do wrong, to hate, to do violence, to destroy property, etc. We have to learn how to express the anger in a better way that works towards figuring out what is needed to make things better. And that being a survivor…working for a solution.
In some ways things are much better with racial tensions. I mean for the first time we have a Black president and Blacks in positions such as senators/congress, judges, and the DOJ. So some things have improved. So what else needs to be done to improve racial tensions? I agree that better training, better accountability, cameras on all law enforcement, better mental evaluation needs to be done. But in a climate where “hate the cops”, “the cops are ALL bad”, and other things are being taught, the tension increases between cops and Blacks. And then we have people who do not respond properly to cops, are disrespectful and fight back and it ends up a struggle and someone gets hurt. How do we fix this?
I have two videos I want you all to watch. The first is a video of Jarrett Maupin, who is “a vocal critic of police during recent protests and he went through force training with local authorities.” to see what being a cop was like. He said he had a totally different perspective after doing that because he saw how you could end up shooting someone because things happen in a split second. That is not to say all police shootings are justified. It is just another perspective on the other side of the coin.
video by FOX 10 Phoenix
And the last video is a Black cop in Dallas as he expresses how he feels about the officers shot. He makes one statement that I love and that is “”I refuse to see hate live while love dies” We have to find a way to stop the epidemic of hate and turn it into something productive that changes the way things are.
Sorry folks, the youtuber who posted this video removed it, so here is a link to the video of this awesome cop and what he had to say.
It has taken me time to process all my emotions on the shootings in Orlando. I have felt grief, anger, resentment, frustration, compassion, and shock. My heart breaks for the families that lost loved ones and those that survived.
I am angry that this was allowed to happen on our soil. I am angry that LGBT were targeted because of hate and because of a religion that calls for their deaths here and across the world. I am angry that people in power are trying to minimize this and down play it and are trying to turn it into a gay issue when it is a hate issue and are trying to use it for gun control.
I am angry that ridiculous people who call themselves “Christians” are saying this is God’s judgement on the LGBT. NO, it is not. This is hatred and terrorism pure and simple. Christ was about love and compassion and if someone’s religion calls on them to hate people and/or kill them, then they need to look for a new religion. Not all followers of Christ feel the way these so-called Christians are talking.
I am angry that so many seem to have no compassion. There are mothers and fathers crying who lost their children. Brothers and sisters who lost their siblings, partners who lost their partners and friends who lost their friends. Where is the compassion and love? We should be offering love and support not more hatred.
And I am angry enough that I will NEVER allow my anger to turn me into someone like this man who is despicable and murdered all of those young people because they were told to hate them and kill them. We must make love win out.
Many prayers for these people suffering now from their loss and from the trauma done to them. And my heart breaks for them. The only thing I can say to them is I am so sorry this happened…so sorry. It was so wrong. And I hope they know many people around the country love and care about them.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23
The Orlando shooting really has my head spinning. Have we totally lost our moral compass? Seems like all you read anymore in the news is shootings, murders, rapes, political corruption, and the list goes on. And all we see on the internet is arguing, ugliness, bullying and attacking….internet vigilantes. We have to be accountable for our own actions and I see so much inappropriate behavior that I wonder has the moral compass been lost.
My heart goes out to all those families with loved ones who were killed in this mass shooting and I send prayers to the survivors and the families. No one for any reason should be a victim of hate. I know many that “call” themselves Christian spew hate for various reasons but if they were truly following Christ, they would act like Christ who was about love, compassion and caring. But so many are so busy judging others that they evidently do not have time to study the Bible and see what it really says. Paul tells us we are not to judge others. Jesus exhibits that over and over. He told the Pharisees and Priests that brought the woman into Jesus wanting her stoned for committing adultery and Jesus reply was “He who is without sin throw the first stone” and they all left. So I ask people who have been victims of all this hate to know that not all of us who say we follow Christ hate others.
Now this shooting the man was said to have called the FBI and said it was an ISIS job. What more do we need? And yet it seems like some would rather do anything than say why this man did this. Overseas, they have targeted LGBT people and have killed them and beheaded them. If you never admit there is a problem, the problem can not be fixed. Banning guns will not fix it because it will not stop the criminals, the thugs, the mentally ill from acquiring some weapon. We have to start addressing the problem and start reigning in our own anger/hatred/etc. And we have to know the truth of what has happened and not get derailed into other areas. Yes, there are some who will try to tell is it is all of us that is the problem and it is not the hatred groups doing this. And again I say, if the truth is not told, if the real problem is not admitted then it will never be fixed. We can not let ourselves turn into the kind of person we do not like.
Don’t tell half-truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half truths are no better than lies….
I wish the media would read this and understand it. When they manipulate the news, withhold news, do not tell the total truth, they are lying to us. Is is pitiful that we have to look at other country’s news stations or hunt independent ones to know what is really going on in our country. But, if you are a person that wants the truth and wants to know what our government is really doing, you will hunt for the truth.
We were created perfect. People did not come into this world hating. They learn it as they grow up. I remember working to make sure my sons did not have prejudice or racial hatred towards others no matter what their skin color was, where they came from, what sex they were or sexual orientation. That is not our job to judge that. Our job as Jesus told us is to love the Lord with all our hearts and all our souls and to love our neighbor (meaning all the other people in the world” as we love ourselves and if everyone did that, we would not have hatred. I come from the hippy generation where all we wanted was peace and I think that is why all this hatred and anger really bother me. And the young generation has learned a lot of anger and hatred and are ready to attack and scream for any reason. That saddens me. Why not take that energy albeit negative energy and turn it into something positive. Every thing that crosses our mind does not have to come out our mouths.
image from purehappylife.com
If you live your life with integrity, honesty and morals, then expect those around you to do the same. I grew up hearing that expression that “birds of a feather flock together” and it was not until I got older that I realized that another expression “we are known by the people we associate with” was saying the same thing. If we believe in integrity, honesty, ethics, love, compassion and kindness, then we should be hanging around with people who believe like we do. People with similar beliefs and likes tend to hang out together. Those that are big drinkers hang around those that are drinkers. Those that like to party hang around those that like to party. Those that are church goers hang around other church going people. And those that are filled with love and kindness and caring and integrity tend to hang around others that are the same. And those that like to play games, lie and deceive tend to hang around others that like to do that too. So, I believe we hang around or associate with those who have the same moral compass as we do. So, if you are starting to notice that your moral compass is off kilter, perhaps you need to start associating with a different group of people.
Pay attention to those around you and look for the fruits of the spirit which are love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith and when you find people who are the same you will find you have a much more joy filled and happy life. Look for those that are honest, ethical and have a sense of community about them. Just a hint is that if you get in a group of people who are always spewing hate, attacking others, putting others down, etc then you have stepped into the wrong group. And if you get in a group that is sweet and loving and caring but does all the hating and attacking, etc, you have fallen into a group whose moral compass has gone astray. Once you become aware, then you will recognize that some of the sugary sweet things they say really have a knife in the middle of the bouquet. Be accountable for yourself and your views in life and what you say to others for this is real life not a rehearsal. We do not get another chance.
image from https://quip.io/q/jl6q
This is something that has been weighing heavy on my heart and mind for about a year now. First to clarify something. What is a vigilante or vigilante justice? It is a person or a group of people who decide that justice was not done and decide to take it into their own hands to give the justice they think was deserved. They operate outside of the law. The Free Dictionary defines it as “A person who is not a member of law enforcement but who pursues and punishes persons suspected of lawbreaking.” And sometimes internet vigilantes just do not like a person and attack them.
I think my first inkling came when I was an avid bear lover and loved to watch them on the internet and sat in total shock when people on the internet became so enraged at a hunter who shot a bear legally and they wanted to literally hang him. One woman wrote she would pay someone to hang the hunter up by his male appendage and skin him alive. The comments ranged from giving out the private information of whom these people “THOUGHT” was the hunter. They did not know for sure but they were going after someone. It ranged from death threats to vulgar and nasty attacks on the person.There was a lot of horrible things written. And it seems to be getting worse.
Then last year we had the story of the Dentist who went to Africa and paid the guides to take him in and allow him to kill a lion. Again the vigilante justice started with death threats to this man and his family, harassing him, deciding it was their job to make his business close down. They did not give any thought to whether this man had children that depended on his income to survive. Nor did they give any thoughts to whether or not this man’s children or wife were reading what they said. It was if all of them were guilty and in fact they said if the wife did not leave the husband she was guilty of killing the lion. The literal frothing at the mouth and the desire to punish the perpetrator in such horrific ways just makes me sick at my stomach.
And as we move forward, we had the story of the 4-year-old child who fell into the zoo and one of the gorillas got him and drug him all over the water because all the people yelling and carrying on were agitating him. There have been cases of female gorilla’s protecting children that have fallen in but this time it was a male gorilla. The zoo brought in their team and they tried to figure out what to do without hurting either the child or the gorilla. But then it was decided that they could not shoot the gorilla with a dart with tranquilizer in it because he might become agitated before it set in and hurt the child.
So, the decision was made to kill the gorilla. I admit it broke my heart that they had to do this but then the internet vigilante force started in and they were calling the family, threatening the family of the child, and even said the child should have been shot and not the gorilla. I found myself gasping when I read that and all I could think was “What is wrong with you people?” The hate in these vigilante people is palpable. They released names and addresses, made threats, denigrated the people, researched them to find out anything about them they could to use in their attack. Their logic becomes skewed and nothing you say can make them stop and take a breath. They do not feel justice was served and so they are going to serve it themselves.
And now we move to the case of the Stanford student who sexually assaulted the woman and the judge gave him six months and he would be on the sexual offender’s registry for the rest of his life. And again the vigilante justice crew started up. They were screaming for the judge to lose his job, calling and threatening the family, the lawyer and anyone else they could think of. They were giving out the phone numbers and addresses of the judge, the lawyer and the boy and his parents. They wanted him put to death, they wanted him in jail for life, they wanted blood plain and simple. And they did not care how they got it.
Releasing phone numbers and addresses may cause someone to go to their homes and do the actual deed of killing him and his family or the judge and his family or the lawyer and his family. They also started attacking anyone who did not agree with them. What they did not think about was that this punishment actually destroyed the young man’s life forever. He will forever be on the sexual offender registry and have to register with them. And people do go check the sexual offender registry to see if a sex offender lives near them so he will never be able to escape it. He will never get a good job. He will not be allowed in colleges anywhere unless it is some off the wall college that can be bought. He has lost every thing. His reputation will follow him and he will never have that good high paying job, will never be the darling of the girls anymore, he will become a very isolated person. But, that was not enough for the virtual vigilantes. They wanted him dead but if not death wanted him thrown into the worst prison ever and brutally raped over and over. Being a person of faith, all I could think of was “Revenge is mine saith the Lord”.
See, I believe that if things do not seem fair, then you work to make the legal system change and work to change laws. People, do not take the law into your own hands, do not endanger whole families including the children because you are furious that the person did not get the sentence YOU thought they should have. Virtual vigilantes are going against the law which makes them no better than the ones they want to get revenge on. Vigilantes do not care if the person was within the law and did something. As far as they are concerned, if they think the person did something wrong, they want to force them to suffer for it.
The college student broke the law and was convicted. But the little boy falling into the gorilla cage did not break the law. The man shooting the lion did not break the law. The transgender bathroom issue was another one where such rage was spewing forth and wanting to hurt the transgender people who were not breaking the law. The hunter making a legal kill did not break the law but to the internet vigilantes, he broke their law of do not kill animals. Just pick up a newspaper or read an article online and then start reading the comments. Read political articles, or articles that are controversial. It is a daily thing now and while most seems to be on the internet, people are starting to do it face to face and yet people do not see it for what it is. I am a firm believer in that survivors focus on solutions and victim mentality people only focus on the problems. There is so much hate going on in the world now that it is beyond belief. We have a legal system for a reason and if it is not working like people want, then they should focus all that angst and anger and hatred on making the system better. Get out from behind the monitor or screen and do something productive for trying to ruin the lives of people you are angry at makes you just as guilty of wrong doing as the person you are attacking. Breaking the law yourself is not the way to go. One day I hope the law changes and there is consequences for this type of vigilante behavior. Yes, we have freedom of speech but with that comes consequences.
Another poem from my poetry book. My apologies that I have not been posting on the blog. We are in the middle of selling things to raise money to get another vehicle after our van transmission went out, one that I can get into easier than my son’s jeep. So, my brain is tired. :) Some of you asked me how you could help. Please just buy the poetry book because that way you will get something in return instead of just donating.
The book can be bought here: https://workthedream.wordpress.com/2016/05/09/my-book-is-on-amazon/
THE LAST DANCE
With wisps of hair across her beautiful face
Tears on her cheeks your finger could trace
She stood there, head bowed in humble prayer
Feeling as if she were the only one to care
She closed her eyes and listened once more
To the music that always drew her to the door
The music suddenly rose in tempo and sound
She knew soon her time was coming around
Was her dream to dance just one last dance
And she knew tonight was her only chance
Rising on toes, she danced across the stage
Her body tensing up for the very next page
As she jumped high to twirl up in the air
She suddenly felt his hands holding there
He lifted her higher than she had ever flown
And twirled better than she had ever known
He molded himself to her as if they were one
Remaining there with her til the dance was done
The applause thundered around the room
And she felt as if life had just started to bloom
As the sounds died down, she smiled with tears
Not being able to dance was one of her fears
Then she opened her eyes and looked around
Oxygen hoses, hospital beds are what she found
As she glanced, she saw her toes pointed down
She knew only her attitude kept her bed bound
No matter what happened she could dance free
Closing her eyes, the stage she would see
In today’s time there is a lot of what I call the “busy-busy syndrome”. It is like watching ants running all over the place. Families on the go all the time, people rushing from one thing to the other. And maybe it is the southern in me, but I have to wonder why the need to rush? How can you enjoy anything if you are always rushing. It is like trying to eat a meal in five minutes. You do not even taste the food.
Do people try to shove too much into their day? Maybe they want to do too many things at once. I remember being young and thinking I had all the time in the world to do things and thinking I had time later to spend with loved ones. But, we are not guaranteed that. Time is like sand and slides right through our fingers. Have you ever gotten up one morning and then suddenly it is bed time and you wonder where all the time went? That is how easily we can lose it and if we are rushing all the time, it is even easier.
“Your children can be around you all day, but if you don’t spend quality time with them and if you don’t pay attention to them and talk to them and listen to them, it doesn’t matter that they are just around you.”
There is time and then there is quality time. We all have plain ole time that slips through our fingers but if we are rushing all the time, we are losing that quality time. I would rather have thirty minutes of quiet time talking to my children, than ten hours of everyone rushing around half way talking.
I guess being older than dirt, I look at life differently. I realize that all these things we think we have to do are not going to make one difference when we die. I would rather my loved ones remember me hugging them and telling them I loved them than all the gifts in the world.
Son and I were talking about how families seldom sit down to eat meals together anymore, how televisions and computers occupy so much time that conversation does not happen anymore. When we moved over the mountain and were at the motel seven weeks, we got up every morning and went down to the little dining room and ate breakfast together and sat there drinking coffee and talking. And we got spoiled to that because we would sit there for over an hour just talking.
I am such a country girl and love the slower paced life. That does not mean I do not want to go anywhere or do anything because I do. I just do not want the rushing that seems to go on today. I would love to slowly travel across the country in that bus we have on our dream list. The reason for the little bus like they use to pick up the handicapped, is it has a lift for my chair and motor homes do not. But, slowly go across not zoom and then you can’t remember where you went or what you saw.
I would love to go and spend two weeks in a boarding room right near the Panacea in Italy and be close enough to get to the train and close enough to just meander around the streets right there and soak it all up. I love Italy and on my bucket list is to return there one day. I would love to go to France and see Julia’s France, the back streets and the real people and slowly walk the streets and see all the vendors.
I think I no longer have a hurry button on me and it makes me sad to see so many rushing around and then can not even really tell you what they did that day. Time, it runs out for all of us so what have you done with yours? How fast is the sand running through yours in comparison to what you are doing? We have no guarantees of tomorrow and I do not want to regret not being with those I love and not telling them and showing them how much I love them.
Son and I do grounding which is going back to earth and nature. We sit outside, bare feet on the ground with the wind softly blowing and the sun shining through, and we allow all the negative energy to escape through our feet into the earth. We also take the time to just talk about life. You all should try it some time. Unplug those computers, cellphones, WiFi or turn them off and allow your bodies to just release all of that negative energy that flows through the air from all the electronics we use and let it flow out the bottoms of your feet. I think you will be amazed. Our NA ancestors knew this and knew that we were part of nature and how to heal ourselves.
I believe in fighting and keeping going in life in spite of obstacles. I have been this way all my life and it has been a good thing with all the health issues I deal with. I could do like some people and lay back and whine that I just can not do it and expect others to do it for me but I do not. You can call it self-respect, personal pride…whatever…but the truth is I do not like being thought of as someone who uses other people for what I can do for myself and so I do not. I am just too head-strong.
I am still going and fighting to get better. Some days it is really hard and it would be so easy to lay back and say I can not do it. But, the truth of the matter is, I get a rush every time I push myself to keep going and I accomplish doing it in spite of what the illnesses are doing to me.
My health issues will take me down one day, but they will not without the fight of all fights. I refuse to let it win if I have anything left in me to stop it. Sometimes my son will say I should not do this or that or that I can not do this or that and my response is ”you watch my shirt tail pop son”. That means I am going to try or go down trying. So, I put on my wonder woman head band and say to my illnesses and diseases that are stealing my life ”you take that cause I am NOT giving up!” The diseases will take me down one day but I can guarantee you that they will get an “arse whupping” on the way down from me.
Some days the diseases will win but that is ok because when I lay here at night recouping, I am building my fight back up to give it a run for its money tomorrow and the next day and the next. Hear me diseases for my roar may be small at times but it is still a roar.
I live on faith. Yes, I have faith in God but there is also another kind of faith. It is the faith that I will wake up in the morning ready to fight again. It is the faith that I will endure one more round of high pain and muscle spasms and a hard time breathing one more time. It is the faith that I will not give up but will keep fighting not just for me but for the ones I love. It is the faith that when things are too tough and I can not stand it, I will be carried through it. It is the faith..that I will never lose my faith in God, in those I love, in survival, in truth, in honesty, in justice, in goodness, in peace, in love, in compassion for those things keep the world going. And it is faith in the knowledge that sometimes, faith is all I need.