I believe that one of the things that makes living with chronic health problems and/or disabilities harder is when a person can not grieve the loss of ability. When these things happen to us, our lives are changed drastically but that does not mean that we can not have joy and accomplishments in life.
I learned years ago when all my health issues started that I was going to have to first Accept that I was no longer the person physically that I was. This really is a grieving process and we go through the denial pushing ourselves to try to do when we can’t, anger because we can’t, pleading for it to change and even trying to make deals with God ….until finally we accept that this is what it is.
The most important thing to remember is that Acceptance is NOT supposed to be resignation or defeat. I had someone tell me once that they might as well accept that they would never do this or that again and just give up. This person was not willing to try to do anything different or make any attempt to alter their life so that they could do things.
image from www.robertfagan.com
Acceptance to me is sort of like when I finally got the diagnosis for what was causing me so many health problems one time. It went on for a long time and when the diagnosis came, I looked up and said ‘YES!!” The doctor asked me was I glad to be ill? I said “doc…I have been ill for two years…this is just the name of what is wrong and yes I am glad to know the name. When I know what I am battling …then I can handle it”. It is like being told…ok your spine is in really bad shape and you are not going to be able to do much walking anymore….ok, I accept what they are telling me and I start working on ways to do things without tearing my spine up worse. That is acceptance.
Once you accept what has happened, then you can work on ways to get around it…ways to deal with it and from that point you have opportunities to improve your life. Someone told me once “whether you think you can or you think you can’t…you WILL be right”. Life is all about attitude and acceptance and working and devising ways to bi-pass what is keeping you from doing.
People wonder why I am willing to wear a leg brace, use forearm crutches, wear an oxygen back pack and a TENS unit for pain. Well, the reason is …those are the alternatives I can do so that I am not totally wheelchair bound. And that little bit of time that I can walk with this gear on is freedom to me and so worth it.
Son making me a wooden platform to raise up my recliner is an alternative that gives me the freedom to sit in my recliner. A stool in the kitchen to sit at the counter and help fix the food gives me an alternative and the freedom to help cook again. Programs that type for you on the computer like Dragon Natural Speak are alternatives for those that can no longer type. Shower chairs are alternatives and allow people to take showers that can no longer stand in a shower. Taking a nap in the day time so you can spend time with family in the evening…that is an alternative that allows you more freedom.
image from www.crossfitmtolympus.com
Acceptance also comes with humor as we learn new ways to do things and new alternatives to allow us more freedom. Sometimes our designs might fail and we try again. But the most important thing is trying. Acceptance is NOT resignation or defeat. Acceptance is just the key in the vehicle of finding ways to do things in a new way.
Related articles
- It’s Your Choice~ (workthedream.wordpress.com)
- Acceptance (welloksonowwhat.wordpress.com)
- You’re the Result of Yourself (energygiver.wordpress.com)
- Living With Chronic Pain (fallenfromgrace.net)
- Five Stages of Coping with Fibromyalgia (healthmad.com)
- Acceptance & Peace (jayrando.wordpress.com)
- Love Yourself the Right Way (jayrando.wordpress.com)
- What Does it Mean to Accept Your Chronic Illness Diagnosis (theadventuresofarthritisnfibromyalgia.wordpress.com)
Work The Dream 
I haven’t been on much in two days but is bedtime but had to ty for this blog. I have trouble with acceptance and I still try people who know me say I will keep on until I die. No I hope not I read what you write and makes sense. I know there will be a time when I can’t there are things I can’t now already too. Ty have to get up at 5 so off to bed. God Bless you and Sherry is right you should go on Elen show I don’t and many people don’t see Oprah anymore. Elen would be happy to see you and have you on. Darlene
Dar, we are at that age that we can’t do what we used to but we don’t want to give up either. I have to have something to do. 🙂 You and sherry are so funny..me on ellen..hahahah.
Great post and inspiring! There are many things I have had to accept and find a new path. Doctors and specialists could not figure out what was wrong with me, but I have found people who are helping. I’m on a completely different path than I was a few years ago, but that’s ok. I’ve learned a lot of new and important things. Like you, I also blog about my experiences, and it helps:
fergiemoto.wordpress.com
Oh I do know what that is like. Took them 8 years to dx me and they said that was the norm for an auto immune disorder. That was a most despairing time for me for I felt like no one was listening. I am glad you are finally getting people to help.
This was a great explanation!
Nancy
Sherry, your words blow me away. I could not say some of the things any better.
You have been an inspiration to me in this battle called life. 🙂 Thank you from my heart. Blessings to you too.
It just may be that you should find your way to “Ellen/Oprah” to a medium that allows the world to “get it”… but then again, there will always be those that just don’t want to “get it”, those that get such secondary gain from wanting the attention even those who will hear of symptoms to mock or make their own in strange and odd ways trying to gain attention of others, trying to milk things for all its worth…
I once a long time ago was speaking to a group of folks caring for loved ones in a nursing home type of facility, on loss, on grief… as one woman became so excited and said, “THAT IS ME… I get it now. I AM GRIEVING BY INCHES, OH GOD I FEEL SOOO MUCH BETTER, I HAVE A NAME FOR WHAT I’VE BEEN FEELING ALL THIS TIME!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU I THOUGHT I WAS JUST LOSING MY MIND ALLL THIS TIME”
Through illness, through feeling rotten without knowing what, why, or with disability, or caring for someone, we are actually grieving by inches; losses of abilities, of what was, of how things used to be, should be, could be… and we are so accustomed or trained to believe that those feelings/stages/phases only happen surrounding a death… and with illness, disability, care=taking, there is loss, a need to adapt, to change, to find ways to cope, to live “differently”….
and through your acceptance, your and your son’s creativity and suvival desires and choices you make with each struggle, each step and each magnificent breath,
you are not just a survivor, but a thriver a WARRIOR OF GENTLE SPIRIT
and yes, the losses are tremendous, but you are with the strength of a great willow,
strong enough to be flexible in brain/spirit/soul/
to adjust and bend to it all.
Blessings to you dearheart.
Very encouraging words. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks TBM…Am glad you liked them.
You are so courageous!
I try. Sometimes I fail. 🙂